.....Dreams come true. Without that possibility, God would not incite us to have them....

Screw you Mr. Plans

2012-02-10T16:19:00.000Z

I am a planer. I make plans because I like knowing how things are going to work out, what is going to happen next. It gives me security. Sometimes I just forget that other people make plans too, and sometimes those plans just don't fit with my plans... and sometimes other people don't make plans and they still don't fit into my plan the way I wanted. So how about I change the way I plan.
Today, I am trowing out my previous plan, which involved meeting up with friends, then coming home to eat dinner with my family and some guests. Then planing on having a friend over and watching some DVDs with him, my plans also included a spontaneous fashion show and some dancing. Don't tell anyone about that part of my plan because as perviously mentioned, it was supposed to be spontaneous, and is now no longer part of my plan anyways.
That plan has been thrown out the window. It was good for something though. Because I actually cleaned my room. So now I get to enjoy some quality time with myself in my clean room.
My new plan sounds like this.
Take a nap. Wake up happy. I can control that part of my plan because it depends entirely on me. When I wake up I am going to eat with my family. I know for a fact that there will be food because I have already seen it: fish out of the freezer, salad ready for chopping. And even if that falls through, I will still eat.
After dinner with family and a couple of friends, I plan on having fun. I don't know how, where or with whom, but I will have fun. I can control that because I enjoy my own company and I can choose wether to accept someone else's company. So I get to choose to hang out with people who's company I enjoy. So whatever happens, there will be some fun times. That's what I want.

You know what!! I actually hate plans!! I hate living in a world that doesn't exist... having conversations in my head with people I plan on being in my life and then realizing, its never going to be reality and now you've just wasted a whole lot of time and brain space. Goals I can do. Plans suck!!

I am a Fairy Tale

2012-02-06T15:33:00.005Z

via we heart it

When I was little, people used to call me Snow White. Look at pictures of me back then and you'll know why. Pale skin, red cheeks, long black hair and a big smile, that was me. That is me, except for the long black hair.

Today I was driving to school with my dad and he was telling me about his newest invention. He likes to make things and invent things. He is so smart! But sometimes his ideas just sound sort of crazy scientist like, but they work.

He is amazing.

Anyways, it got me thinking. Maybe I am not Snow White at all!

I think right now I am Belle, in Beauty and the Beast. My dad is an inventor, my dating life is full of duds, my mom is too awesome to even be mentioned (words don't do her justice!) and I love a beast whose time is running out. The last petal falls on the 17th. And I know how it ends. He leaves, still a beast, and I will go on living.

I really do love him, but I am not in love with him. He is a beast. And he could so easily be a prince, but he is not there yet, not for me at least...

I am going to miss him so much.

I wonder if Belle would still have loved the beast if he would not have transformed into a Prince.

Midnight mindramblings

2012-02-03T01:03:00.004Z

things on my mind right now:

I can hear my heartbeat. It makes me think of the first snow of winter, so fresh, exciting and full of life.

My hand is falling asleep... I hate it when my hands or my legs fall asleep. My brother was complaining about his hands falling asleep all night and now that he has gone to bed my hand starts falling asleep. ugh.

Grey's... I love Grey's

I need to finish that sweater... yeah

Why can't I just turn this lap top off and go to sleep! I need to sleep!! really really need to sleep!

I am so sick of thinking about it. It's pretty much over. It was over before it began anyways, so it doesn't really matter how it ended.

I need to go to bed!!

my hand... I can't feel my hand... dang it.

Changes

2012-01-31T20:18:00.003Z

Via we heart it

Change is good. Change is part of life... I don't do well with changes. I have memories I love, and changes are taking those memories away. I want to hold on to them. But something tells me when I hold on to those memories I am holding myself back. I am stopping myself for moving on, moving forward.

I wish I could just go back one last time. Just one more time, to say goodbye and be alright, to breathe in the air and the feeling and the surroundings. I miss them. I miss them all.

It is breaking my heart. But I need to let go and stop looking at the past as if it is my future. It is not my future. They are just memories. Memories I love. Now I need to go make new ones. Better ones. But it still breaks my heart.

Broadway dreams

2012-01-30T21:58:00.003Z

via we heart it

I am not an actress. I don't act. I can't keep a straight face. I couldn't lie to save my life.

I applied to the acting program of the icelandic film academy.

That sort of makes me laugh. Isn't life wonderful! My application is in and I just received an email telling me that my audition will be on Feb 14th at 16:00. In the email was a link to two monologues I can pick from. I was also informed that I will be expected to sing a song, or perform something else, something I can choose myself. Good luck me.

I am super excited about it even though I don't really expect to make it into the program. It just makes me feel alive, doing something new and totally different.

Also, I wouldn't mind falling in love tomorrow.

But for now, its the night shift... suck a mud cake!!

Plan A and Plan B

2012-01-26T21:11:00.003Z

via we heart it

I write a lot in my blog that I don't really share with people in real life. I love being able to just sit down and write out my thoughts. Somehow I have a harder time sitting down and just saying them outloud. It scares me. Blogging about personal things just seems so much less personal.

The other day my friend asked me why I sometimes seem to only half way enjoy what I am doing in my life. I do love my life, but his question made me think.

I told him the truth. That is when I realized I have blogged about this before, but I have never told anyone about it face to face, not like that.

I told him the reason I don't know what my plans are, and the reason I don't fully enjoy my life is because I am living Plan B. Plan B was to get an education, work with women who have been sexually abused, date and have fun, sing and perhaps pursue a musical carreer. I tell people about these plans as if they are my Plan A, as if that is what I live for. But then I sit down by my computer and blog about my real Plan A and how much I wish I was living my Plan A.

Plan A is to be a wife to a noble man, and a mother to children I can love and teach and be there for. By getting an education I am working towards being a good example for my future children, encouraging them to follow the words of the Prophet and getting a good education. By helping others through my work I am preparing to teach my daughters and my sons to respect themselves and others, to love and care for people. I tell people I would love to sing on stage in front of others... many others... for a living. People think thats cool. What I don't tell people is that I would much much rather sing my children to sleep.

I am preparing to be a good wife, and I am preparing to be a good mother.
I don't tell people this because saying it outloud makes me feel desperate. Writing it for everyone to read on my blog makes me feel desperate too. I am scared of posting this because I wonder what people will think.

But this is me.
This is me being completely honest.

It does not mean I want to marry any guy that comes along, or that I want to marry just to have kids. I want to marry a good man, and I am picky. Not about his hight or the color of his hair, but about what kind of man he is. I don't want to raise children on my own. I want to be a good wife to a good man and have an eternal family. That is my plan A. That is what I am working towards.

My friend didn't think I sounded desperate.

Too many thoughts, Part II

2012-01-25T14:01:00.001Z

Screw vacuuming the floor. I am watching Grey's Anatomy!

Too many thoughts

2012-01-25T12:15:00.004Z

via we heart it

I am having too many thoughts. Time to spill and get grounded.

Sometimes enough sleep just isn't enough.

When I was younger I would tell myself things will seem better in the morning. Some days I wake up and don't feel better. On days like that I wonder if I would feel better if I just slept a little bit more and gave this waking up business another go in about an hour or so. Maybe by then things will seem better.

Today is not one of those days. Today I woke up and did Hot Yoga at 6am. Then I went back to bed feeling like my muscles just needed a little bit of rest since I am already sore from yesterdays workout and need to work later on today and be full of energy tonight. It's girls night. Thank heavens for good friends and sushi. Thank heavens for hot yoga and meditation.

I want to be a better person. I already know some things that should change the way I do things, the way I live my life, but I am not changing. Maybe in hopes that my knowledge will change before my behavior does. Maybe in hopes that I am wrong.

I am not wrong... well, I am frequently wrong... but this time I am not wrong.

No more Facebook for the rest of the week. I will see how I feel on Sunday.

The other day I was talking to my friend. I asked her if she ever had days where she had absolutely no plans, nothing specific to do. She said yes. Then I asked her if she hated those days. I had one of those days coming up and I hate those days... or... I hated those days. She said no. I was astounded! Then she said something wonderful. She said; those days give me time to just be with me and I'm like "ahh we meet again".

My day off from plans was exactly that. A much needed break from others. A chance to be with me and feel that comfort that meeting myself again brings.

I love me. I love the chance to be me. I love how I can change and grow and still love myself.

Why do I need to be reminded that I love myself. Why don't I just know it all the time, and be fine with no plans.

I am going to go vacuum my floor.

It's supposed to be therapeutic, cleaning your space and all.

The comfort of knowing

2012-01-23T22:34:00.006Z

via we heart it

I love that feeling that I sometimes get. Usually when I wonder what the future holds; How much heartache will I have? How many trials will I face? This feeling washes over me and calms every part of my body and soul. It tells me "you will be alright". And I know it, I know it so much. I have been through all sorts of pain. I will be more than fine, I will be happy. So I have no fear. No fear of losing anything or anyone, because I know my father in heaven has a great plan for me. My family is forever. I have no fear.

There will be sorrow, and pain, and heartache and sometimes it might start to seem like too much, but things will always turn out well. I will be more than fine. I will be happy, joyful, grateful, peaceful, full of charity and love and patience... maybe not patience, but I will have plenty of those other things.

Thats all I wanted to say.

The reoccurring dream

2012-01-18T23:44:00.005Z

Via we heart it

I am crying right now, because I feel really lost. It scares me to not have a plan. My plan ends in May and I have filled these next couple of months where I know where I will be and what I will be doing with so many exciting things. But at the end of May, my plan stops. I will have finished my bachelors education. My Gym membership will have run out. My dance class will be over. My best friend will be gone.

All I know is I want to be a wife to a good man, a noble man, and I want to be a mother.

I have this reoccurring dream where I am in a house, which seems small at first but then I discover all these rooms, and I can pick any one of them. But in these dreams I can never find my room. I just realized that the rooms usually have strange objects in them that make them undesirable. One had lockers, another had a toilet in the middle of the room, another had only old things. I can never find the one I want.

Maybe its because I don't know what I am looking for. I don't know what I want to have in my room.

I know I don't want lockers or a toilet.

I want a big window, with a seat by it and long flowing curtains, a white rocking chair and a big nice bed with white, clean, silky sheets. I want a nice book shelf full of good, educational, uplifting books. I want a big beautiful wardrobe and a nice rug on the floor. I want the walls to be a light, warm color and the ceiling to be high. I want there to be a vase of colorful wild flowers on a dresser.

Maybe if I know what I want in my room, I can finally find it in my dreams. Maybe if I know what I want in life, I can find it.

I want to be happy. I want people and things in my life that fill my life with happiness.

I want children to take care of, and to love and teach. I want a husband to love and respect, who will love and respect me, who will open the door and pay for me on dates, who will laugh at my stupid jokes and tell me I am beautiful often. Someone who I can safely love with all my heart.

I don't want to sound desperate. I know I may come across as desperate to some people. But when I see children with their mothers, my heart tells me, that is what I want. Like some people want their dream jobs, or to win at some sport or event, I want to be a mother and a wife. I think it would be the greatest blessing and a miracle. Its a good thing I believe in both blessings and miracles. It is also a good thing I am learning to be patient.

I trust God.

It would be nice to know what exactly He would have me do now though.

1 Nephi 9:6

From the center of my heart

2012-01-08T00:38:00.005Z

Via we heart it

Take yourself lightly!

Dear Unnur

I love you, you know that right. You make mistakes, and I know that, I love you anyways.

Just keep trying, keep doing your best. Don't ignore regret, learn from it. Don't ignore. Listen, and follow. Do what is best for you. Remember to be true to yourself. I say that because I know how much you love your God, and the Savior Jesus Christ, and being true to yourself means being true to your faith. That's all you need. You do not need to hear the words "I love you" from someone else to know your worth. Its nice to hear those words, its a bonus when it happens. But you are already loved. There is so much love within you. You know who you are, and what you want to become. So stay strong. You are loved :) You are loved.

Remember that sand slips through your fingers when you try to hold on to it tight, but if you let it rest in your open palms it stays.

Good things come to those who wait.

God's delays are not God's denials.

Let go of selfishness.

Don't cheat yourself.

Be giving and full of charity. Be loving and full of confidence. You know your worth, now live like you know it!

Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go.

It's alright.

You are safe.

Have a wonderful life, because I wish it for you!

From my heart

Its not you, its me

2012-01-04T01:37:00.004Z

via we <3 it

I am having a love/hate relationship with my blog these days. I don't want to blog about personal things anymore, but sometimes I feel the need to. And then sometimes I want to blog about things I really don't want anyone to know about but just need to get out of my system and I know people I know actually read this. That sort of stops the flow of honesty dead in its track.

That's right, all of you reading this who know me personally, you are making this difficult!

But I still love you, and I would rather have all of you lovely family and friends in my life than a blog.

I guess what I need to do is find a happy medium, a way to express myself without letting myself down by hurting others, without saying things that don't belong on the internet for everyone to read and without getting too personal or weird... you see what I mean... this is impossible.

I don't want to have regrets this year.

I want to live life to the fullest and love it! But only so long as I do my best to show my heavenly father I love Him.

This is my goal this year, to do my best to do Gods will and follow His commandments

To my prickly friend

2011-12-20T23:40:00.004Z

Dear friend,

I just realized that I was a turtle with a hairbrush taped to my back for you... and love didn't find a way. It was a lot of hard work and mistakes and sweat and tears. I am glad its over. I am glad we are friends now. It feels good to be able to just be a normal turtle, not having to carry a stupid hairbrush around on my back just so you will like me. It feels good just to be me and be your friend.

I must admit I still sort of hope I find myself a turtle before you find yourself a ... whatever it's called... companion. I think it's my turn.

Hope you have a nice day, everyday!

Your friend

Unnur the turtle

This is me, this is mine

2011-12-10T17:35:00.003Z

via we heart it

Since I am no longer sharing secrets and private things I will be editing this post

Some of my least favorite things:

1. when people **** it **** about****. Sometimes people **** just****

2. when**** totally **** ****

3. when **** tries to **** **** *****

4. when I **** ****

5. when finals are killing

Some of my most favorite things:

1. smiling and laughing

2. **** ****

3. making new friends

3. when **** makes me **** so ****

4. singing **** **** ****

5. swimming

6. when **** **** think **** **** too

there you have it... all my secrets are out and you don't even know it!!

hmm... I wonder what people think I mean...

never mind... you are all pretty much going to be wrong anyways... except if your name is ****

so keep ****

thanks

My Secrets

2011-12-09T14:37:00.003Z

via we heart it

She sat down by her lap top and turned on a song she had never heard before. "Believe me" by Ellie Goulding. It was surprisingly good and just fitting for the mood she was in.

The blog had been neglected for a while. No desire at all to share, even though there was plenty exciting she could write for her readers. It was probably Justin Biebers fault. No need to explain why, it just was.

But sitting there, avoiding homework and listening to this new song that was so in tune with her soul she couldn't help opening her blog and writing a few lines.

She had had the best day ever the day before. It had been different than she had expected.

First off she had expected to fail the test. Second, she had expected to visit with some friends. Third, she had expected way less excitement.

If only she knew what she was doing. If only she felt as comfortable on stage as she felt in that little room singing for a stranger on the other side of the wall. It was one of the best nights of the year for her, which she hadn't really expected, what with all the other exciting nights she had had in the past months. This one topped them all. Because she felt... good... whole... excited. Which was different.

When she felt the urge to tell everyone this voice inside calmed her down.

No one needs to know

It's time to realize my body is mine, my soul is mine, my secrets are mine.

I could always keep other peoples secrets. They weren't mine to share.

But my secrets were always the hardest to keep and somehow ended up all over town and on my blog.

Its time I realize I have plenty of space within myself to keep my own secrets. I have plenty of calm within to keep them where they belong.

I still like to write

so I will

but not about things that aren't supposed to be shared with the world

Take a smile

2011-12-05T00:14:00.003Z

via www.weheartit.com

I hate it when the internet eats my emails!

also, today was good

also, I feel like I am about to fall in love with someone new

what a great feeling

also, I am so thankful to have faith, to know that my savior, Jesus Christ, lives and that I am loved by my heavenly father

Dance to the beat of your own drum

2011-11-28T10:56:00.004Z

via we heart it

I was reminded why I don't watch Icelandic TV a moment ago. I live in such a small country with such small people. Sometimes I forget about that when I am in my room and all I have are my 8 walls (yeah, I have 8 walls in my room, two windows on one wall and three doors on three walls... makes you wonder what my room looks like doesn't it) or when I take the bus and I convince myself that there is a big ol world out there full of people. But Iceland is not full of people and Icelandic TV/TV shows make that so uncomfortably obvious.

I love watching So You Think You Can Dance. It's one of my favorite shows to watch! I love dancing, even though I suck at it, and I love watching people who are good at it dance. So watching SYTYCD is a joy. Now we have this new show on TV here in Iceland called Dance Dance Dance. Its a SYTYCD knock off and a total disaster. First off, the name is just so... blah... boring. It reeks of pretense and wannabe big city-ness. The dancers are actually very good. But then there are the judges. Two women... I have no idea who they are. They may be famous in Iceland, but thats like being an ant trying to get some attention at the zoo! and then the third judge is this guy who used to be on the Saturday morning children's program when I was little. He is the Simon figure I guess... such a fail! The worst part though is the number of people in the audience. You can actually hear echoes when they cheer. The whole thing makes me wanna puke!

Don't get me wrong though. I love Iceland, the country and the people. But we are small and I think we should own up to it and stop pretending to be a smaller, more elite version of NYC and LA. The Vikings were our ancestors for crying out loud! and now here we are, trying to be big and cool like America. We can never be America, and we shouldn't want to be America. We are Iceland. We don't need any help being cool.

Rock star memories, Part II

2011-11-23T12:14:00.004Z

we heart it

Thing is, one day, he is going to find someone who makes everyone else glued to his body just feel wrong. He is going to find someone he can't wait to come home to after a tour. He is going to flirt only with her, and treat her like a queen, and want her by his side, always!

It won't be me.

That's ok though, because I want someone who will want me and treat me like a queen. Someone I can love with all my heart and have my love returned.

I want all that, more than I want my rock star friend.

Things will be fantastic.

Things are fantastic.

Rock star memories

2011-11-22T23:49:00.003Z

via we heart it

A long long time ago I sang in a pub with my friend the rock star. I loved him then, and still love him in a way. Right in front of us was this girl. She was beautiful. Long blond wavy hair and deep sparkly eyes. She looked like the kind of person I'd be friends with. But she loved him too. I had seen her at a lot of his gigs, the way she looked at him from a distance and glued her body to him when they were close. I was jealous of her the first time I saw them together. But I thought she didn't really like him at first, I thought she was just a drunk floosy. But then she was there again at his next gig, a little less drunk and a little more sparkly eyed. It didn't hit me until that gig he asked me to help him out with though. She loved him. And she was jealous of me.

I sat up there with him, singing and joking around flirtingly in front of everyone.

Then I saw it; She was looking at me the way I imagine I must have looked at her that first night I saw them all on each other. I still offered to drive him home that night. Later, he borrowed her guitar for another gig. But I was the one he took backstage before the show. He hugged her tight, playfully and flirted some more after the show. But I was the one he walked home.

Last week I saw her again. It was at a café. I was there with a group of my friends. She was our server. It wasn't until after I ordered that I realized she could spit on my burger and I would never know. I don't think she did. In fact, we were a little bit too nice to each other the whole night. She remembered me too.

It was then I realized, we both deserve better. She deserves someone who will give her a ride home after his gig because she is too drunk. Someone who will borrow her guitar, take her backstage before the show and walk her home after the gig. She deserves someone who will want her by his side when he needs a backup at his gig. Someone who will joke and flirt with her on a stage in front of everyone at a pub.

I deserve someone who wants me and only me glued to his body, someone who will borrow my guitar, take me backstage and hug me and flirt with me after the gig and then walk me home. I deserve someone who will want me by his side for all of his gigs, flirting with me and telling me he loves me, in front of anyone who happens to be there, for the world to see.

Also, after watching "One Day" I have come to a conclusion.

I am alone, not lonely

smiles

The in crowd

2011-11-20T22:42:00.003Z

Via <3

I've been studying Social Work for two and a half years now, going to classes with the same group of 197 girls and 3 guys day after day. I know a couple of people in my classes, but since I don't smoke and am not the most outgoing person in the world I have never talked to about 90% of the people studying with me. Well... until last Saturday. We had a Saturday workshop at school, which I was not too happy about since it was a full Saturday at the end of the semester when everyone is getting nervous for finals and most people are getting ready to hand in their big assignments. So on my way to school at 8:30 on a Saturday morning I was cursing my school and my teachers and pretty much everything!

After about 30 minutes of the workshop life was much much better, and the day turned out to be a lot of fun!

I talked to a lot of new people and realized I am not the only one who feels like they know hardly anyone in the program.

At the end of the day as I was leaving to take the bus back home the smokers stopped me and asked if I wanted to come to a party... a party... with the smokers... and the cool people... AWESOME!!... but no thanks.

Maybe thats why I don't know anyone.

Guys? ...whats that?

2011-11-18T11:15:00.003Z

via we heart it

I have been living in my own little universe lately, as mentioned in my last blog post, and it wasn't until my dad asked me if there are any guys in my life these days (yes, I talk to my parents about guys) that I realized there really aren't. I mean, there are plenty of handsome men around, but I am not particularly interested in anyone specific, and it feels great!

I think he was secretly checking if I still have feeling for my friend the rockstar heartbreaker. I don't. Thank heavens! [insert a big fat smile] Anyways, so once I realized there were no guys I am really interested in at the moment I wondered if I should be feeling bad about it, or sad, or something. But I don't really feel bad about it at all. I feel free, and excited about the future! I have no idea whats going to happen though.

NO idea!

I just know I like moving forwards, and try to avoid taking two steps back every time I take one forward. I have done that before, and it doesn't work very well... neither does taking one step back every time I take two steps forward, which I also did for a while... now I just say FULL SPEED AHEAD! like the Titanic... which might be a bad thing since we all know what happened to the Titanic, but I am pretty sure I will be fine since we have had such a mild winter thus far that we still have bugs and green grass... in November... in Iceland.

FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

Finals, need I say more?

2011-11-16T09:30:00.003Z

via Disney Dreams

Finals are coming up fast and I feel terribly unmotivated to blog. Nothing is happening. I wake up, don't bother to shower, eat whatever I find in the kitchen, sit down in front of my lap top with my books open and read while X-factor, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Once upon a time, Grimm, The Office, Hart of Dixie, Pan Am or one of the millions of other TV shows I get sucked into is playing in the background.... Thats this week. Next week will be hard core. No TV shows playing while I am studying. Maybe during breaks, but not so much though. I am sort of easing into it. It might be a good idea to go to the library in my town or something, to study, just so I get out of my house, get to walk a bit and see people. Right now I feel like I am turning into Gollum... just.... sitting in a cave all by my self, hunching over books. Not cool, not remotely exciting, and above all else, not sexy! and as we all know, if you are not going to be sexy, then why get out of bed at all... just kidding. I hate finals.

p.s. did you know I used to be called Snow White when I was little. Because I had really long dark hair, was pale and had red cheeks. Somehow I got the fairy tales and details mixed up in my head and kissed a worm in hopes of it turning into a prince. It didn't work any of the times I tried it.

Feeling it and saying it

2011-11-13T23:45:00.003Z

via we heart it

I finally said it. Something I haven't been really good at in the past. I always just keep it in... but lately I have come to realize that that doesn't help at all. I need to get it out. So I did, and I know the receiving end of the info I just released won't care at all, or might just think I am being dramatic and crazy. But I don't care. I said it, and I meant it and I feel better!

Worst case scenario the recipient will react badly, won't reciprocate, and we end up not being friends, because being able to say how I feel and be respected by my friends is a must to me. Best case scenario, which I have high hopes of seeing some day, we become better friends because we can actually say what we feel and still respect each other.

Feelings are important.

Words are important.

Handmade coming right up

2011-11-12T18:45:00.008Z

So you know how I was sick for a whole week and had nothing to do but study and watch Grey's Anatomy... well I found something else to do. I dug around in my craft box and found some pearls and crochet needles, then I remembered the fine Icelandic wool I bought the other day with nothing specific in mind to make out of it. Put it all together and what do you get? ... if you guessed jewelry then you are right!
I am in the process of opening up my Etsy shop and the photo in this post is just a little preview of whats coming.
For people obsessed with iceland the majority of necklaces will be made from Icelandic wool, decorated with beads (Glass and other material) and some will even have beads made from Icelandic lava rocks. Each one is unique and I have given them all Icelandic female names, some of the names are also found in other countries though, but yeah, mostly icelandic names.
I'll keep you posted babes!

My Mom and Me

2011-11-11T10:32:00.005Z

via we heart it

I love talking to my mom. She thinks I am great, and I think she is the best mom in the world!

A long time ago I read this article about my generation. Apparently we are the generation that has lived at home the longest. At the time I read it I was renting a room somewhere downtown and I thought to myself "looooosers! man I am so glad I am not one of those over 23 losers still living with their parents."

Then one day I found myself back in University, not wanting to take out any more loans, without a job or a way to pay for my rent. My parents encouraged me to hold off taking student loans as long as I could. So I considered my options, prayed about it, and then moved back into my parents basement.

I am glad I did!

It may not be perfect all the time. I want my own space. But I have had some lovely times with my parents. I still take care of myself; Clean my own space, do my own laundry, wash my own hair. I have also not had to take student loans and have had the opportunity to hang out with my family a lot more than I would have otherwise.

Sometimes late at night my mom does laundry, and since the laundry room is right next to my dominion in the basement she stops by and we talk... and since I am a single, living at home, university student who is fast approaching 27 year old (wow) she sometimes cheers me up by telling me about all the guys she has seen check me out lately. It makes me laugh and warms my heart. My mom wants all the best things in the world for me and I am moving out in a few months... it makes all these little moments more precious. I am gong to miss living at home.

Also, I am sick of being sick. I want to get dressed and look cute!

Still ill/Still nuts

2011-11-10T13:39:00.004Z

Via we heart it

This just in: I am kind of a nutter!

Maybe its just because I am still at home with the flu and when I get super bored from spending too many days doing nothing much I start catching myself having looney thought.

About five minutes ago I went to the kitchen because I was starving! I quickly realized there is nothing to eat in my kitchen! nothing besides... buttermilk.... and brown sugar... and musli... makes for a grand meal!

So while I was dumping massive amounts of brown sugar on my buttermilk I realized that through the front of my head was going this mashup of Grease, tell me more tell me more and CJ Lewis, Sweets for my sweet.... which I think they should put on Glee. It was brilliant!

and then through the back of my head simultaneously was this thought: "please don't leave me here to die!" ... it was directed at my parents who are now at school and will be at school until late this evening... and there is nothing to eat in the kitchen... and I am sick... I am so gonna die! ALAS!! there is pizza only one phone call and a credit card swipe away! I am in luck, it seems I will live to see another day. This is good news.

The truth is...

2011-11-06T01:09:00.005Z

Via we heart it

I don't know when it will stop.

With all this time gone by I am starting to realize I am not in control.

Thankfully balance has been partially restored. So easily damaged.

And what do I do then.

How do I keep away. How do I leave this behind.

After months of laughter and happy contentment sleep still brings truth. The longing smothered by busy minutes of the waking hours comes out at night.

Haunting me.

You still haunt me.

I still want you.

I want you to leave.

Christmas wishes and unworn clothes

2011-11-04T09:27:00.006Z

First off... I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!

Today is about my hundredth sick day this year... Just kidding... I mean, I am sick, but not for the hundredth time this year! but I do think I have been getting more sick in the last 6 months than usually, probably because at work I get drooled on, sneezed on, coughed on and snotted on all the time... I try to wash my hands a lot... but I guess its like when people who haven't been sick much in their life start working at a play school and all of a sudden they get every flu and cold there is... for a while, until their immune system catches up.

Good news, I got my first Christmas wish! I get to work on Christmas eve, which is a bigger Holliday than Christmas day in Iceland. That's when the family cooks and eats together and then we open presents after a wonderful dinner and dessert. I will post a blog soon about Icelandic Christmas customs. But anyways... I get to work from 3pm to 8pm on the 24th. I am SO excited!! I love all the people I work with/for and I can't wait to spend Christmas with them and then get the evening with my eternal family. Isn't it wonderful!! I am seriously getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

OOO I JUST REALIZED!! I get to give them all Christmas presents! woohoo!!

Ok, next on my list of things to blog about. Its only the 4th day of this lovely month of November and I have in these four days come to realize that I am a shopaholic. Not really, but I do have periods where I just buy everything... like if I were a cave woman realizing winter is coming I would try to get as many berries and furs as I could so that I would have food and warmth during winter. I have been going sweater crazy lately! and when I started thinking about it I realized I go through phases like this.

For summer it was dresses. In the past it has been skirts, cardigans, leggings, T-shirts, scarves, bags/purses, shoes and throughout it all socks. I have always had a thing for socks. I steal socks from family members! not on purpose, but I borrow them and then just don't return them. I am going to hell! I was going through my clothes to see if I can't give away some of these clothes to make room. This is when I realized I have so many favorites I have not worn more than once... and some of them I haven't even worn yet!

This one I got in September at H&M in NYC

I love it! but I have only worn it once

I got this one in little Italy in NYC its my favorite!

But I don't wear it often enough, maybe two or three times

This skirt had me running all over H&M looking for the right size.

I found it hanging out all alone without its brothers and sisters, but in the wrong size... and I fell in love!

I have yet to wear it

and I got it in September

socks socks socks

I have only worn the blue pair, twice

I love them, but they don't match anything...

screw matchiness! I am going to wear them!

This one actually still has the tag on it

I got it for half price at Motor in Iceland

I love it and I bet I am going to be wearing it quite a bit!

This one also has the tag on it still

got it at Motor in Iceland

I was just going to buy one. But I had more money than self control

so therefore I now have two sweaters, less money and no self control

This one is my favorite!

(I actually sang that in my head while typing it!)

I got it at Vero Moda in Iceland and love love love it!

This one I got in September in NYC

Its not the best photo, but its a white sheer lacy vest thing

absolutely gorgeous

one of those thins thats totally useless, but so beautiful

I wore it the day I bought it, but haven't worn it since.

sometimes I wish I could wear all my clothes at once!

Ohh and just so you know, I am not the only one!

Check it!

When kids misunderstand

2011-11-03T09:20:00.003Z

I overheard my dad on the phone telling someone he can fix some electrical thing because thats the education he got. Turns out education has little to do with what you end up doing in life for some people... he owns two companies... and does electronic type stuff on the side... for fun and good use. Anyways, so it reminded me of when I was little and he was actually studying the electronic stuff. He was making a small plate with lines, like streets, and street lights that went from green to yellow to red and back to green. He told us kids that he was building us a "Bílabraut" (car road) with lights. For some reason I thought he was building a full size (children's full size... which is smaller than grown up full size) car track thinger in our front yard. I would ride my bike out there with my friends and tell them all about it.

At one point I remember I learned that you can exchange money for more money. If you hand the woman at the store you lousy bill, you get lots of coins in return. and sometimes you can even exchange one coin for two or more different looking coins. I thought this meant you could get more money for free.

When I was 4 or 5 years old I had to have my tonsils taken out. I knew they were in the throat somewhere and when the doctors and my mom told me this, it made perfect sense to me that they would have to take off my head, get out the tonsils and then put my head back on. I would have a cool scar like Frankenstein. I went around telling everyone about what the doctors were going to have to do.

There used to be a NATO base in Iceland. My family would go every once in a while and visit with friends, go to Wendy's (ohh my goodness I miss Wendy's) and the skating rink. Sometimes my parents would talk about us going to "little America" and I honestly thought we were going to a smaller version of America... like a little island close to Iceland that was part of America or something.

When my friends and I were like 7 ish they all thought you could get pregnant if you kissed a boy. In a way I guess that's right, because for the most part people today are not taught to have self control, and one thing leads to another and suddenly a kiss leads to pregnancy. But you know what I mean. ohh and while I am on the subject; Parents, talk to your kids about sex, teach them self control and to stay away from pornography. There has been so much research done that shows how pornography has a negative effect, not only on the ones who watch it, no matter if they are male or female, but also just on girls and women in general. I will blog more on this subject later.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that when kids misunderstand... they tend to misunderstand big! not like a small "I thought you said 7:30""ohh well I said 8" kind of misunderstanding... but a "You said 7:30 because the world is going to end!""no, the world is not ending, I just said 8" kind of misunderstanding.

You Invisible sexy beast you!

2011-10-31T23:17:00.004Z

It's actually quite fun, getting all this attention. I hope it continues. It makes for some good self esteem!

I have this recurring theme in my dreams. It's really strange actually. I dream about his home town all the time... what's that all about. I am doing fine with my feelings towards him in the daytime, I am actually doing a famous good job getting over him... but then I fall asleep and have dreams about being in his home town, visiting, living there, trying to get there, in summertime, in wintertime. I even dreamt that they had built the first LDS temple in his home town and I was going there to go to the temple. How strange is that?! and it's not like he is even there in all the dreams. Just his home town.

Last night however, I had a strange dream. I had a dream that my boyfriend (who I don't have) was cursed, so that he was invisible, but he could make people hear his voice if he wanted to. But because I was in his house when he was cursed, I was turned invisible too. I, however, could not let people hear me. So the only person I could talk to was my boyfriend, and my boyfriend was his best friend. So the three of us would hang out all the time, and they could talk, but I couldn't talk to him... just my boyfriend... and both of us were invisible. Its kind of a fun idea for a story... but I felt left out.

Maybe the fact that we seem to ignore each other so much when we are around each other in real life is doing my head in. We don't hang out alone anymore, and I don't look at him very much when we are in the same room, let alone speak to him. I don't know if he looks at me... I don't care. But I do miss his friendship. I wish I could be 100% sure I could just be his friend and not fall for him again. He makes it so easy for me to fall for him, so easy for me to get hurt. So maybe thats why I totally ignore him, even though I love his friendship and miss him a lot... So how come I am the invisible one in the dream?

The opposites attract

2011-10-30T17:33:00.004Z

Life is funny. I say I want a relationship and nothing happens. I say I want to be happy and I start dating a guy who makes me anything but happy. I say I want some peace and quiet and I get loads of attention from the opposite sex.

why? why do you do this mr. Life?

Aurora Borealis in my backyard

2011-10-25T16:20:00.004Z

Winter times in Iceland, what lovely times!! Last night I was working until 11pm and since the bus system in iceland is mentally unstable my brother picked me up from work. On our way home I noticed some green lights dancing in the sky. I know I should be used to the northern lights since I have lived here my whole life. But Iceland never ceases to amaze me! I love this little island and all its magic! The earth, the ocean, the sky, all of it is magical in its own way, no matter what season it is.

We decided to drive out of the city lights a bit, which is easy to do since wherever you are in Iceland you usually don't have to drive for more than 10-20 minutes to get out of town, and in this case into the darkness. The stars were magical, the northern lights were magical, the crisp cold winter air was magical!

When we had gotten out of the car and were standing on the gravel road staring at the sky I noticed there was a bit of sky that was a deep dark red! I have seen green, white, purple and pink northern lights, but never that deep red color we saw last night! it was crazy! with my bare eyes it seemed like a part of the sky was missing, like it was sucking in all the colors around it. But then when I took a photo of it, it was red. It took my eyes a while to realize they were red northern lights. Beautiful! Here are some awesome photos someone talented took and below are my photos... not the best, I know. The real deal is more like the ones you can see in the photos in the link I posted. But my photos remind me of the good times anyways!

My life on TV

2011-10-24T15:08:00.005Z

Sometimes when I am walking or riding the bus and have time to just be by myself I imagine my life is a TV show. I add some more spice than it already has of course. Otherwise it would just be everyday life. There is a reason they have TV shows... its because sometimes real life is so normal that you need to spice it up with someone else's fake life.

I like to imagine my own fake life. I just wish I had the courage to make my real life really be a TV show. Do stupid, fun, exciting, different, dramatic things. Some days are more like a show than others. I like those days.

Yesterday was a day full of married couples and babies... and I was the babysitter.

It was a TV show day. It was good, and interesting, and lots of people told me having a baby on my arm suits me. None of those peoples were single young guys though... and now that I think about it the single young guys seemed to be staying clear of the babysitter... too much rubbing possibilities in their faces I think. Like I was threatening them or something.

Today my back is killing! too much holding babies... too much being single and scaring guys away by looking like I should have my own baby.

Thing is, I am fine. Today. Today I am fine with not having all these things. Wanting something and being desperate for something are two different things. I do admit I have crossed the line and been desperate once or twice or a few times before.

However, I am fine today. I am happy today. I am excited to date and make out and be happy to get a text from someone new. It makes me feel like the lead in my own TV show.

The single girl with all the possibilities in the world who has all these married happy couple young parent friends telling her how wonderful their life is... well guess what, my life is pretty awesome too.

It makes me smile in a warm sunny kind of way.

Now bring on the next adventure!!

We live so that we might feel joy

2011-10-20T10:12:00.005Z

Did you know that losing weight is easy?

Well it is.

Two and a half years ago I decided I had had enough! It was easter time when I realized I was fat, single and lazy. Not at all what I wanted for the rest of my life. I had tried to lose weight for a while before that, but nothing seemed to work. I starved myself, which I would have called a successful method if all I had wanted was to lose weight, but that wasn't my goal. My goal was to be happy; Happy with the way I look, happy with the way I feel, happy in general, healthy and active. Starving yourself and denying yourself candy and cakes (or even food) may result in weight loss, but also results in a really crappy mood and poor health. I would always give up eventually and just eat and eat and eat and eat to make up for all the candy and cakes and food I hadn't had for months. I also tried to work out by running... which worked, but I hated running. it was so boring! and it hurt my hip joints. So I gave up on that too.

So basically I would lose some weight and then gain it again... plus a few pounds.

I had almost given up all together when I saw a picture of myself right before Easter 2009. It sort of lit the fire again. I wanted to be happy to see pictures of myself and happy when I look in the mirror. I wanted to be able to play and run and climb trees and hike and play sports without being embarrassed about my body. I love my body! I love me! and I deserve to be happy!

So here is what I did

- Hung up on my wall a pair of jeans I wanted to be able to fit, so that I would see them every day (I was able to take them down and wear them a few months later, and have since given them to the salvation army since they got to be too big)

- Invested in some dubious weight loss products (not sure if it was a placebo effect or if the product actually worked, but it got me started! I lost about 10lb in a month-is) after losing a few pounds the easy way, I had the motivation to keep going by changing my lifestyle.

- Played Dance dance revolution like a nut!

Some lifestyle changes:

- Started drinking lots more water!

- Stared using the stairs instead of the elevator, walking or riding my bike instead of taking the bus and playing sports and games with family and friends just to see if I would like them and have fun

- Fell in love with Solla and her amazing raw and/or organic food! Its not at all that complicated to make and it is SO good! especially the desserts!

- Learned how to make a Green Smoothie and loved it! I also started making other kinds of smoothies, and learned that they can seem really creamy and yummy if you use nut or avocado in the recipe.

- Started doing things that make me happy and thinking like a thin person: "do I need to eat this? why do I want to eat this? do I need another serving? how will I feel if I have more of this? how will I feel if I stop now?". So I never ever starved myself! but I wouldn't overeat anymore either.

What I have learned:

- Being healthy is awesome!

- I can lose weight!

- Cocoanut oil makes everything taste better and helps your body burn more fat

- Playing soccer is fun! also, dancing in your room can be a pretty good workout, but sometimes you have to make yourself stop, its just too much fun! also also, I love pole- fitness... don't tell anyone I said that.

- Its only boring to buy jeans, and pants, when you are too big to fit them. Shopping can be fun!

- I can eat KFC every once in a while and still be fine!

- Being happy is better than I imagined.

So now I am still single, but I am happy, normal sized, healthy and active. Now all I need is a good man.

This is me in May 2009

I had lost a couple of lb at that point and decided

I wanted to be able to look back and see the difference

This is me in June 2011

two years and 40bl later

Did I mention it is all about me?

2011-10-19T11:55:00.004Z

My super creative friend got me hooked on book/journal making. I tried binding my own books (sowing them together by hand and making a hard cover), and that is fun. But then I saw her journal made from hopes and dreams and all things lovely and decided to buy the material needed and fashion myself a similar book.

Here is the original:

LMT's awesome book of wonderfulness

And here is a little sample from my book:

I got this card from the National History Museum by my Universtiy

It is traditional Icelandic tapestry

I got the card with the picture of the couple on it at a flea market a while ago

It's an actual love letter from a man in 1941

This is an old photo of my Grandmother

I dedicated a blog post to her and her story a while back

You can find it here if you are interested in knowing why I wrote "my Chinese Oma"

I like to eat, so I decided to dedicate the back of my journal to recipes and all things tasty

My name is Unnur... and I don't actually know if every Unnur likes to eat... but I sure do

you are welcome to post recipes of your favorite food and goodies in the comments!

I haven't started putting a lot of personal things in it. but I did pick out, cut, punch holes and organize the paper all by myself!

and my mom likes it

What if there's no parking?

2011-10-17T23:26:00.004Z

Today I am in pain. I hope my dream from way back is coming true. I am jealous. I want what they have. I want to have something to add to the conversation... I have nothing to add. If I just had something, anything, I wouldn't feel so left behind. But I just feel like I am missing out on so much.
It makes me miss what I had which I knew wasn't even right. And then I think to myself ...the sooner he leaves the better! I don't want to want him anymore, not that I really want him, I just want to feel like I have some sort of something that resembles what they have in some way, even if its a cheap knockoff. Its just because I am impatient. If I weren't this impatient I would want the real thing and not settle for anything less. But I am starting to feel like all the other cars have a parking spot, and now I just want one, no matter how far away from my destination that parking spot is.

I can feel myself turning into a walking car wreck.
Tomorrow I should spend the day in the library, studying and working on projects, that way I can avoid facing myself, my loneliness and most of all them.

Shut up idiot!

2011-10-15T14:01:00.002Z

Sometimes people piss me off so bad when they put stupid comments on my status on Facebook. Didn't they ever watch Bambi? if you don't have something nice to say... then shut up.
So whenever something like that happens I write a reply real fast, and before I post it, I delete it... because its usually really nasty and non friendly. After deleting it I write something more moderate. I don't want to lose friends just because they are idiots!

And now I would like to take back everything I just said because its not nice, and so I shouldn't have said it....

Crushes and other temporary things

2011-10-13T19:12:00.003Z

Its official, I am a loser.
I signed up for one of those singles websites again and now every time I sign on to my account I think to myself, what the heck am I doing here? I always find something I don't like about the guys who write me on there, even though I am sure they are perfectly wonderful. Its just that I don't think that sort of thing is for me, finding someone online. I like meeting someone in real life, flirting, falling for someone while not knowing if they like me back. Then watching as they slowly start showing you more and more interest until finally they make a move. Its such a wonderful thing to experience. Thats what I want.
I guess I just don't believe online dating is going to work for me, and without at least some degree of faith I am afraid the whole deal is bound to fail.

But I want to fall for someone. I miss the cuddles, its so comfortable, and kissing, holy noodles! kissing is probably one of my favorite things to do.
I am however looking for someone in particular, someone who is heading in the same direction as me in life and in an eternal perspective, and I don't really think that that someone is here in Iceland.

But sometimes I wonder if I should just find someone to be with for now, someone to cuddle and laugh with and kiss when I get bored and lonely. Someone who isn't up for being too serious and doesn't mind keeping it strictly to kisses and cuddles, nothing more.
Any thoughts?
thats right, I am asking you for advice... please

I would rather have a candy bar thank you!

2011-10-09T23:16:00.002Z

I love it when my friend tells me that even though it's not about looks I am too beautiful for him.
It makes me feel some sort of special. But at the same time, I was totally attracted... and sometimes in love.
But I don't want that anymore. I want something real.
My friend once asked me if I wanted a Dream, which is an Icelandic candy bar. I replied "no, I just want something real" not realizing she was just offering me a candy bar and not actually trying to have a deep meaningful conversation.
Maybe I just don't understand what is going on around me in the wold.
I am giving this 6 months, and then a year after that. If it doesn't turn out the way I think it will, I will simply have to become an old rich maid. According to Jane Austin's Emma, being an old rich maid is alright, in fact, it is great. But then again, Emma did end up getting happily married to the love of her life. But that was just a dream. Jane Austin never got married and ended up dying pretty young. That's reality.

Never mind, I don't want reality. Give me the freakin' Dream!!

So single, so good

2011-10-09T02:16:00.002Z

Today I hung out with a bunch of my married friends. They are so cool! I wanna be married too if that means I can be as cool as them. So I decided to make an ad for myself. If you or someone you know is interested in the offer just call me. My number is +354-mar-ryme
Hope to hear from you soon!

2011-10-08T01:25:00.002Z

I miss New York. Not just the shopping and my friends, but also the flirting with strangers on the subway or getting honked at when I feel good about the way I look.
In Iceland no one really honks and there's no subway and there aren't enough people on the island for me to safely flirt with strangers on the bus. If you do flirt with someone on the bus or anywhere really, you are sure to see them again... which can be super awkward. Much dislike from me towards that fact!

Also, my hair is getting longer. I love my hair!

Worst idea I ever had

2011-10-04T22:19:00.002Z

Tonight my and my brothers and my sis-in law had some good times with pizza, Terra Nova and hair cutting.
My brothers love to play soccer and so they decided to go play with some friends at 10pm. Unfortunately the PS3 makes time fly so we ended up being a bit late. They were going to drive me home first and on our way out my sis-in law asked if we could take out the trash on our way to the car. But since the garbage bins were kind of far away and the guys were late, I thought I would save us time by just taking the trash along for the ride and throw it in the bin by my house.
That was definitely one of the worst ideas I ever had!

Note to self: when a trash bag is starting to stink up a whole apartment its probably not smart to put it in your car, especially when you plan on being in the car at the same time.

Note to self: if you ever don't like someone and want them to suffer, put a bag full of trash in their car.

Note to self: If you ever dislike someone and want them to suffer and you have a bag full of trash with you, before you put it in their car, ask yourself: What would Jesus do?

Note to self: just take the damn trash out straight away.

You have no sense of humor fatty!

2011-10-02T00:56:00.004Z

Its time to get thin again. Lately I have been feeling sooooo fat! it may just be because I have been eating 90% junk and about 10% healthy for the past month or so. Gross!
I did work out a lot before I went to NYC and that got me into shape pretty fast, so I think I will start doing that again. I love working out and feeling good! Right now I am making some vegetable soup for tomorrow and even though its already past midnight, it makes me feel super excited to think about how I will feel after I eat vegetable soup instead of junk tomorrow.

Also, my family it awesome! Tonight was well spent with my my brother and his wife and my other brother. I always laugh so much when I am around them. But they have a really weird sense of humor, and so do I, so I often wonder how the heck I am going to find someone who will find them funny. I sort of can't picture myself growing old with someone who will just sit there and stare at us with a look on his face that says "you guys are crazy". I also can't imagine anyone getting our sense of humor. I totally know we have this strange sense of humor and are often very.... inappropriate... in a way. But I do believe in miracles... and finding someone who shares our crazy sense of humor would definitely be a miracle! a huge miracle!

Some days are just like that

2011-09-30T00:07:00.004Z

Finally I am feeling better! In my last post I may have mentioned that I have been sick lately, and then I got sick of being sick, and now I feel better.... but I am still bored. I should get out more... or hang out with my friends more. Maybe I don't hang out with friends that much anymore because most of my friends are either married, guys or family... some are all three! And I heart you married friends... but its not the same hanging out with a group of single girlie friends and with married friends... things change. And hanging out with single guys is definitely not the same either, and as much as I love love love my family, I think every person should have friends they can hang out with outside the family too.
I feel so ungrateful now. Complaining about my "lack of friends". I have the best family a person could hope for! I have so many wonderful guy friends!! I have the best friends in the world!

I just feel left behind.
Guess I am just suffering from "the last cookie" syndrome today.

The other day I found myself thinking "Blair really should marry the French Prince" and I meant it! I am sure that now that I am finally over the whole Blair & Chuck thing they will get back together and end up getting married and I will be like "screw you! screw you both!!". I should stop pretending my life is anything like that stupid TV show.

Life goes on

2011-09-28T23:21:00.007Z

So I don't really feel like blogging about New York too much... I feel like its sort of a "you had to be there" thing. But trust me, it was absolutely wonderful! Every day was sort of like a reminder to me that God knows where I am and what I need. There were so many moments where prayers were answered and magic/miracles happened. Personal stuff I would rather just keep in my personal journal. Let me just say that I now understand why people wear those "I heart NY" shirts and stuff...

I am back in Iceland. Got the flu pretty much as soon as I came back and have been in bed since Sunday. Today I decided I was sick of being sick and so even though I didn't go to school I did go out for a short walk and made dinner for me and my brother. I also made chocolate chip cookies just for funs.
I love the fall. I love the colors and the rain and the freshness. I took about a 100 photos during my walk, no jokes! It was just too beautiful outside.

My favorite part of today was probably getting potatoes from our backyard and then cooking dinner. hah, that should tell you how boring my life has been over the past few days. But really though, there is something wonderful about getting your own food and cooking for yourself and those you love.

Cooking for one is seriously one of the most depressing things I do! I think that might be why I love cooking at work so much, because there is a house full of people I love, who love me and my cooking :D I know a lot of women think being a housewife is not good enough, or not fancy enough, or that other people judge them for being "just" a housewife. There is something beautiful about someone being so selfless in serving those they love.

My mom always worked hard weather it was in the home or outside of it. I am so thankful for all the meals and the service she never really gets thanks for. She is my hero. I really want to be like my mom "when I grow up". I really do hope that some day I will get the opportunity to be a housewife, serving my family, because I love them.

whhhhaaaaaa....

2011-09-23T08:17:00.001Z

I am so behind... and not really surprised about it...but I will catch up soon!.... jet lag is pretty awesome too, so I am going to go to sleep because I know nothing I say is going to make much sense right now!

More on NYC trip to follow!

A Little Girl in the Big City

2011-09-15T01:56:00.003Z

What I am trying to say is... I am in NEW YORK!!
Its hot and humid and 100.2% awesome.
My flight over was sort of interesting though, lemme tell ya!

Negative Nancy's point of view:
My flight was packed full, which means lots of lines. I hate lines.
I was put by the emergency exit, so I had to put my handbag in the overhead compartment and it was super embarrassing always getting it out and putting it back and then getting it back out 5 minutes later because I forgot this one thing and so on and so forth.
The TV screen was broken.
The chicken cost me $15 and the portion was TINY... like seriously... smaller then the the size of the word TINY in 12pt all caps... and it was cold!
my bum was itchy... because I got sunburnt while tanning earlier that day.
ugh... life!

Positive Polly's point of view:
I loved the drive to the airport with my dad and sort of wished he were coming with me so we could just sit and talk the whole way to NYC. I got a chance to help a couple of people out at the airport, gave this gay guy my seat so he could sit by his boyfriend, it was so cute. I got a seat by the emergency exit so I had plenty of leg space! the two danish guys I was sitting by were super nice too and always said "ladies first" when the male stewardess ... steward? anyways... when he asked if he could do anything for us. The steward was also pretty dang hot! and since my tv screen was broken I got plenty of attention from him. so that was pleasant!
My chicken was the best tasting cold chicken I have ever had.
I totally made my way to my destination woohoo!
Everyone at the airport and the flight was soooo nice! I was happy to get to L and X's house :) they are the best! ... like seriously! the BEST!

Today:
-Saw the city
-was totally excited about life
-went shopping
-finally tried a macaroon (I have seen them on Gossip Girl and multiple photos on Iheartit.com and have always wanted to try one... I might have to buy some more!)
I am tired and happy!!

stood up? me? ... well... yes... I guess

2011-09-11T22:48:00.003Z

I got stood up. Its not my favorite thing to do. But I had a good time anyways.
We organized a date night/couples night last night and I asked a guy to be my date. He didn't show.
I cried... JUST KIDDING. I was fine, and I had so much fun the whole night, maybe because I knew I could be totally myself and not worry about what "he" would think about this or that. I could eat as much as I wanted to. I could dance from one place to another instead of walking. I could flirt with everyone else's date... except the married ones... I don't believe in flirting with married people.
It was a good night!
I want to go on a date like that with someone though. Where I can be myself and a total looney toon and still feel like I am liked... more than liked... loved!
Some day, some day!

What men want

2011-09-09T20:40:00.002Z

When it comes to men, I know what I want. I have a list. This list can be found in D&C 88:40; For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own.

When it comes to myself, I know what I want to be. I have a list. This list can be found in Proverbs 31:10-31;
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Ever heard of the Screwtape letters? A book by C.S. Lewis. Letters from a demon to his nephew giving advice about how to ruin a man. In it the demon, Screwtape, says:

"It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual "taste". This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely."

"We have engineered a great increase in the licence which society allows to the representation of the apparent nude (not the real nude) in art, and its exhibition on the stage or the bathing beach. It is all a fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be. Yet at the same time, the modern world is taught to believe that it is being "frank" and "healthy" and getting back to nature. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist—making the rôle of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast!"

I have nothing further to say...

Goodbye

2011-09-03T22:18:00.003Z

Dear friend,

Everything is fine, until I realize I am still waiting for you.
I think it would be better if I never see you again.

Goodbye,
Unnur Erna Ólafsdóttir

Sugary dreams

2011-09-03T17:23:00.003Z

Today I want cake with pink frosting and sprinkles. Chocolate with marzipan goodness filling. A good movie to watch; one that makes me laugh a lot and almost cry some. Someone to sit on my toes while we watch the movie so that I wont get cold.
I wish someone wanted to cuddle with me. I mean... someone I want to cuddle with. I am sure there are always at least one or two people in the world who would cuddle with you at any time... but I don't know if I want to cuddle with them.
Love is a miracle. How two people can meet and feel drawn to each other and have fun together and want to take a chance on it working out for forever... is sort of a miracle... its a good thing I believe in miracles.

Classes started the other day. This is my last year at University. This time next year who knows where I will be, maybe I'll be starting my masters, or living in a different country, or working lots, or making millions as a master mind investor.

Anything could happen....
stay tuned!

Here one day, there the next, and then back. Thats how we do it!

2011-08-29T21:30:00.003Z

It's not that I am changing my mind. More like, my brain and my heart are having a constant fight and one day my head is winning and the next my heart is winning. Today my heart is winning. I like it better when my head wins! its less painful.
I prayed to God and asked what to do with this. He told me it serves a purpose I do not know about now, and I should continue being loving and kind regardless.
I don't know how to do that, but I try.

Dear Sir,
I wrote that song with you, don't dare sing it on your own... I will be too sad if you kick me out of the duet more than you already have. Just sayin'.

Yours, hopefully not forever
That one girl

Thoughts, or lack thereof

2011-08-26T11:41:00.005Z

I know I owe you guys a whole bunch of dress pictures... I don't really feel motivated to post them at the moment, but I will post a whole bunch sometime soon. Not that I expect you lovely people to be ready to riot due to a lack of blog posts and photos about my dresses.

Things on my mind at the moment:

1. I hate that Game of Thrones is so porno! I love the idea of it, but I can't watch the show... too much whoring. Same goes for True Blood. Good idea, terrible show.
2. I wish I was in love and I don't want a long distance relationship, I like cuddling too much... and I would rather be alone and not missing someone than alone and in pain because he is somewhere out there.... far away. .... at least thats what I think I want.... actually... let me re-think that.
3. I can't believe I am going to NYC. I can't wait! No plans, except for China Town, Ima go find my long lost family. I am also super happy my friend Martin will be going with me, because he knows the difference between a real and fake stuff. I would be likely to buy some knock off junk thinking it was supa cool and then end up looking like a fool.
4. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass - is not too bad. I sort of like that song.
5. There are too many freaking books! I have a LONG list of books I want to read... but TV always sucks me in! its so much easier... but I like finishing books way more than finishing watching a movie... makes me feel like I accomplished something. What a dull life I lead, where finishing a book is an accomplishment... wow. I clap for myself!
6. Last night I watched a couple of documentaries about beauty and about how beauty should come from the inside and not only be on the outside. I fear they may have had a bad influence on me, unlike they were meant to, because I feel like getting extensions, teeth whitened, go tanning , wear heels and fake lashes. Stupid!
7. this one is a secret. don't it make you curious!
8. I would really love a good era movie to watch.... any suggestions?
9. ohh I can't remember...
10. I am off

Photos via weheartit.com

Day 14

2011-08-23T00:45:00.002Z

Dress: its new, got it for less because it was a little bit broken, but I fixed it. It's a mall buy... not exciting, but still awesome dress!!
It's so me!!
Also I love the Kooks new song "junk of the heart (happy)" check on it yo!!

Lovely Antique

2011-08-22T17:39:00.004Z

Mondays off are the best! its been rainy today which is perfect for going for short walks in Reykjavík and stopping at antique stores just to browse. I just had to take some pictures.

Last night I was talking to my sis-in-law telling her about how much I love roller coasters. Then the conversation moved on to guys, and how this one guy I have been chasing/being chased by in the past is like a roller coaster to me... she then reminded me of how much I love roller coasters.
The thing is, I do love roller coasters when I feel safe on them. But some guys are like roller coasters with no seat belts.... totally unsafe and insane! I am so done with that. I'd take a roller coaster with proper safety gear over a crazy seat belt-less one any day!
Just sayin'

Day 12 and 13

2011-08-21T17:32:00.005Z

Remember how I write this blog and therefore I get to make all the rules. Well, that goes for this Project 35 Dresses. So I took a couple of days off... due to a mixture of being too busy to wear a dress and craving some quality time with all my other wonderful non dress clothes. But Now I am ready to be back in business!

I overslept today and realized that when I got out of the shower I had about 5 minutes to get ready... so I got dressed in a hurry! When I have no time to pick out an outfit when I am getting ready for church I love having fancy dresses to put on. That way I look fancy and church-ready without too much effort. Dresses are lovely.

Nr. 1 was on my back when I went to church. I got it at Rokk og Rósir a couple of weeks ago. It is vintage. Its an immediate favorite. Not because of comfiness but because its BEAUTIFUL!!

Nr. 2 is perfecto for after church Sabbath day relaxing times at home... I also plan on wearing it to my friends house after family dinner tonight. We are going to be making cakes... yay!! I got it while on a fun times trip to Sweden a couple of years ago. Its a size large, so its a bit... large... but its still a favorite because its super comfy!!

Day 11

2011-08-17T15:59:00.002Z

Planing parties and activities can be fun! but I am super tired now, and I have evening shift so I am going to take a nap and then go to work.

Here is the dress in action, and one of my friend M in all her coolness!

Here is the dress in all its plainness. Got it from Vero Moda about a year ago. Love it. The End.

Day 10

2011-08-16T22:39:00.004Z

I was sick at home today. It seems all this ice cream eating during warm summer days has caught up with me. So I slept in today and took a nap in the afternoon. Both this morning and my afternoon nap I had dreams about realizing I had another closet full of dresses I had forgotten to move from my old place to where I live now. It was lovely, but I think this may be all because of this project.
Even though I wasn't feeling too good I still decided to wear a dress today, and since it is getting chilly outside I wore a woolen knitted dress I got from my friend ages ago. Today was the first time I wore, even though I have always loved it. The reason I never wore it before was because I always felt too fat to wear it, but then I tried it on today and it fits!
I do like to wear layers with it though... its such a cute dress but I feel like its the sort of dress you can have fun with and use lots of accessories and such with.
I wore it pretty much all day... but I was in bed pretty much all day too... except for dinner time. I went to get something to eat with my little brother, and thats when I added the sweater, scarf, boots, hairstyle and a little mascara to the whole look.
Yay for being a girl!!

Calling the US Embassy=death trap

2011-08-16T13:52:00.002Z

calling the US embassy is a pain in the butt! this is sort o how it went...

I dialed the number, a machine answered: "You have reached the US Embassy in Reykjavik, Iceland. For US Citizen emergency press 0, for blablabla press 1, for blablabla press 2..... and so on for a good long while.... for blablabla press 8 (I press a number) You have reached the assistance blabla, for US Citizen passport emergency press 1, for US citizen passport blabla press 2, for other inquiries press 3 (I press 3) You have reached blablabla, for blabla press 1, for blabla press 2, for blabla press 3... and so on and so forth... 8 minutes later.... You have reached blabla, for blabla press 1, for blabla press 2, if you wanna kill yourself by now please hang up and do so.

I hate you US Embassy answering machine!

Day 9

2011-08-15T22:37:00.005Z

UGH.. I am still super tired! I think I had too much fun last Saturday and am still suffering. 6 hours of sleep is also not nearly enough when you have a full day of work and then other obligations the next day (that is today).
So I didn't wear a dress at all today... but I have one on now and am going to sleep in it... its one of those favorite type dresses you can wear for comfy times during the day, or even a bit fancy, and then you can also wear it to bed because its a super dress!
I can't remember buying it, but it's from Vero Moda which is one of my favorite places to shop... all good things.
Right now I am wearing it in bed, blogging and listening to Andrea Bocelli. Delightful. I can't wait to sleep!

I also found this dress in the gutter on my way to church, after work. It was in the gutter, but it is there no more! I love this dress!! I love that I found it and saved it from passing cars, the rain and cats with rabies!

Good night!

Day 8

2011-08-14T23:44:00.003Z

I am super tired. Probably due to too much food and too much fun times at the wedding yesterday.
Todays dress I got from my friend who just got married yesterday. We traded dresses at one point. It was bunches of fun and I love this dress. :D
I took the photos myself. ohh and the line on my bum is my tank top I had underneath :D hee hee, was halfway into my PJs when I realized I hadn't taken the photos yet... so I just hurried up without really making sure I had all my layers tucked in neatly. ohh well... bumlines are awesome!

Also, letting go feels good. Hoping for better things is good and some guys are just eternally vexing.... some other guys are surprisingly vexing. I guess everyone has a good side and a bad side... or at least one that I don't like.
The End

Day 6 and 7 all in one day!!

2011-08-14T01:02:00.007Z

Today was my best friend wedding, so I decided it would probably be ok to have a double dress day!
For the first part of the day I wore a shorter everyday comfy dress... its super cute and one of my favorites. I got it new from a flea market in down town Reykjavík a while ago and managed to get the lady who sold it to me to lower the price. woohoo for great deals!

The other dress I got from Rokk og Rósir the other day, when I bought seven dresses at once. It is also one of my favorites! really really comfortable and cool. I love it!! I wore that one to the wedding and the reception. Fun times!!

As you can see I failed to take pictures of myself wearing the dress during the day. I was either running around like crazy or sitting down in a car/by a table all day... so I never really got a chance to take some cool photos. But I did get to do some cool stuff. I sang at the church and gave a speech at the ceremony. I helped the photographer between the ceremony and the reception with taking photos. We went to this little old cute Icelandic house and took some photos of the happy couple. I forgot to take my own camera with me there, which was fine I guess since I wouldn't have had the chance to take many photos for myself of the two of them. But the photographer, my older sister, took some amazing photos! it was so much fun!! I hope they put the photos on Flickr or something and if they do I will post a link on here!

I am super tired now and don't have much else to say... I had a great day!
One thing first though. Sometimes I wish I could see 5 photos from the future. Just to see what memories I will have some day. Things like, who I marry, our children, dreams fulfilled, things accomplished, fun times had... just snap shots of what I will some day have as memories. But I can't have that now. I can just pray for the strength to stay on the right path, and trust that the Lord has a plan for me.
Good night cakebabies!!

Day 5

2011-08-13T00:58:00.004Z

Todays dress I got ages ago!! I can't remember where exactly... let me check if it says on the inside of the dress.... I checked it and turns out its from Zara... I guess thats a favorite place to shop! I got it for Christmas one year, back when I was larger. I think it looks even better now, but I can see it working when I get pregnant too... some day...
Anyways, I wore it to a movie premiere. It was the movie my brothers and others have been working on. The short film prequel to Flex and Flexibility which we made about 3 years ago. It started as a joke my brother made... about sense and sensibility... and turned into a stupid short film... which now has an awesome prequel!!
After the premiere my brother M, my friend S and I practiced out musical number thinger for my friends wedding again. It went well although I was more nervous today than yesterday... I hope I got all the nervousness out of my system today and can be relaxed and ready to sing tomorrow!! I still have to write my speech. Shouldn't be too hard though... I know K and from what I know of E I have nothing but nice things to say about him... I just need to make sure I give myself time to sit down and write it out on paper.
But now I need to sleep!!
Here is the dress. I took these photos myself, except for the first one, the one with me and all the actors, my niece Anja took that one... she was playing a paparazzi at the premiere... I got to interview all the actors and famous guests.

for those interested in watching the short film, here is a link...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plHjnUiNnhg&feature=share

Day 4

2011-08-11T23:45:00.002Z

Today was wonderful. I wore my dress to work and enjoyed wearing it whilst doing all sorts. Sometimes I wonder how I make it through the day doing my job. I get home from work and thing of how wonderful my day has been. Then my brother asks me how my day was, to which I reply "GREAT!" and then he asks what I did and I think back on my day and realize...it was bizarre! .... I scooped poop out of the toilet, got spit, peed and coughed on, gave people a bath and brushed some fake teeth... and thats not even half of it... the rest I don't even dare share on here. But I love my job. I also got hugs and kisses from angels, I played games and cared for them and they love me back. It is so fulfilling.
Makes me think to myself "I can't wait to be a mom and do this 24/7.
But about the dress... I got it from Zara, on sale. It was a little longer but shrunk a bit in the laundry. I like it because I love flower patterns and it is so comfy. Also, when I am at work and getting people dressed in the morning, showered or put them into their PJ's at night sometimes my pants start sagging... and I feel like a rapper... thats when it is nice to wear a dress like the one I wore today, because then no one can see my undies (the sagging pants is due to much moving around and bending down and standing up again and again... to put on socks and pants and shirts and blah... everything!).
Anyways, love the dress... and my brother for taking my picture for me :D I have decided I should give some credit to the photographers on this project. Day 1: my brother M. Day 2: my friend M. Day 3: me. Day 4: my brother M.

E and I watched an episode of Gossip Girl today. I learned something.
Maybe I am holding on to the pain because I still love him and the pain is the only thing I have left.

But then I got home and checked my messages and realized... there are other fish in the sea.... and they are cool! So maybe its time to let go of the pain.

Day 3

2011-08-10T21:10:00.004Z

I had work today, so I didn't really wear my dress for all that long at all! but I love the dress I wore. I got it from my sister in law not too long ago. While wearing it, I helped my brother by doing some sound work for a short film he is working on. I might post a link to it when he puts it on youtube.

I am super tired right now... and when I am super tired I am usually more emotional and all that. Right now I feel fine though, but I know I am thinking about things more than I should. I still don't understand what just happened. I still don't know when or how I will be able to fully let go. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and go to University somewhere else again. Anything to change who I meet or when I meet them. Would things be different then, or would I feel the same way about someone else? Was I supposed to go through this? Does it matter who was part of the program?
I realized how I felt on the 1st of April. What a terrible day. I wish he hadn't had a sense of humor that day, maybe things would be different then. Maybe I would be free.

Day 2

2011-08-09T23:08:00.005Z

Todays dress is new... to me... but vintage. It is one of the seven dresses I got the other day and talked about in my last post.

So my friend M came over and we hung out today. I felt like eating a whole bakery... so we did :D we bought one slice of everything and split it in half... and ate it all! It was lovely, especially since the whole morning went into fixing up the house and mowing the lawn at my parents. It was great fun, but I forgot to eat afterwards and was super hungry by the time we got down town. So just sat down on a blanket on the the grass behind a museum in my little town, Hafnarfjörður, and ate and talked and took a nap. Super nice!
One of my best and oldest friends (well, she is not old, but I have known her since we were 4 years old) is getting married this Saturday. A while ago, when she got engaged, she told me that she wanted me to sing at her wedding reception. I sort of didn't think about it too much throughout the summer, partially to avoid getting nervous, partially to pretend it wasn't real. But it is real and the wedding is this weekend. So I asked a friend to play the guitar for me while I sing at the reception. He is too busy with his own deals, so I decided I will play the piano myself... SCARY!! so I started practicing, and then my brother picked up his guitar and started playing along, and it sounded famous good! then today, my friend S came by where I was practicing and since she plays the piano I decided to ask her if she would give it a go. It was so much more comfortable to be able to just focus on the singing and not have to worry about the piano playing too! so I asked if she would play the piano at the reception. She said YES!! thank heavens!
All this happened whilst I wore the dress I bought at Rokk og Rósir last week. Not bad, not bad!

Project 35 dresses. Day 1

2011-08-08T22:19:00.006Z

When I was younger I hated dresses. I felt too fat or awkward or tomboyish to wear dresses, so I didn't even own a single dress! Then as time went by and weight went off I realized dresses are even better than shoes!
The other day I went on a stroll downtown and found myself buying 7 dresses... at once! yep, its true, there was a deal where you get 7 dresses for ridiculous little amounts of money. So I bought dresses. When I was home later that night, dresses all washed and clean, ready to join my other dresses in my closet I realized there was not too much space left in my closet. So I decided to count my dresses. Turns out I have more dresses than days in the month.

Now I may call some things dresses other people would call something else entirely.

Here is what the internets tell me a dress is:

1. Clothing; apparel.
2. A style of clothing: folk dancers in peasant dress.
3. A one-piece outer garment for women or girls.
4. Outer covering or appearance; guise: an ancient ritual in modern dress.

Here is what I say a dress is:

1. Any item of clothing that covers my boobs and my bum at the same time. Even if it only barely covers either or both.

I do however believe in dressing modestly and am a big fan of layers.

So here is the deal. I have decided to do a 35 dress project. I want to wear a dress every day for a month or so... all my dresses, that is. That does not mean I have to wear it all day, I would rather not wear my nice dresses to work, but for at least one hour every day I will be wearing one of my dresses (I will never wear the same dress twice... well, at least not whilst doing this project). Every day I will take a photo of what I am wearing and post it along with a short text telling yall what happened while I wore the dress.
Sound good?... well, I think it will be fun, and since this is my blog, I can do whatever I want!
But I sincerely hope you enjoy it!

Todays dress I cant remember where I got. But I know it was new (as opposed to vintage)... ohh now I remember. I got it at Zara, on sale and replaced the buttons on the back (ugh... I hate that word... buttons... the most ugly world in the history of words!).
I wore it downtown to meet one of my oldest friends. It was super nice out today and I don't know why I bothered with the wool sweater, but I love it too, and once the sun prepared for setting it got a bit chilly so it was nice to to be able to wear some pretty patterned pink sheep hair over my tiny dress. I love this dress!

You are my sweetest downfall

2011-08-06T23:30:00.002Z

I am still in pain.
Why am I still in pain?
I don't want him back, I hate him.
Sometimes I think I should have ended it. That way maybe I would feel like I still had some of my self respect. But instead I decided to give it my all, even when I knew it probably wouldn't work out, and that it was far from being what I wanted.
I am still in pain.
I don't hate him.
My brain tells me all these different things. I hate some things he did, I don't hate him. I am mad, sad, happy, excited all at the same time.
And I am bored.
I wish something new and exciting would happen.
I wish someone would come and sweep me off my feet.
I wish I could fall for someone and feel safe at the same time. But I doubt that has ever happened to anyone in the history of the world. There is always uncertainty and fear that goes along with falling and starting something new.
Life will go on.
I just wish it would go on already!

A day on the road... or whatever

2011-08-05T21:27:00.004Z

Did I mention I love my life! Yesterday was one of those days you wish would never end.
Grams and I hung out all day, driving and walking around a small town close by where we live taking pictures and talking. It was great fun, but by the time we headed back to town I was dead tired.
My sister invited me over to have dinner with the family. Man, I love talking to them peoples!
Then there was pre-girls night at my sis-in laws house where we watched out TV show.
The rest of the night was well different from what I had expected. We met up with a couple of girlie friends and went to the Laundromat Café. Outside the Café a couple of us girls met some crazy Norwegian guys. They were plenty drunk and plenty funny. They dared me to plank on a table and then on a car.... I have always thought planking was sort of a funny sport, so I thought I'd give it a try.
We sat in the café and talked and ate cake and drank milkshake. I love girlie friends!! they make life so much better!
After sitting in there a while we decided it was getting pretty loud so we went outside and just across the street we found people dancing salsa. On Thursday nights they teach salsa for free and then people can dance all night. One of our friends went in just to check if they were still dancing and jokingly she said she would check if she could find someone who knows how to dance the Lindy Hop. A couple of minutes later she came back out with a big smile on her face and told us there was still dancing going on and she even found a lindy hopper :D So we went in and there was an old friend. Well, old friend of my older sisters or something, I never knew him well. A couple of his friends were sitting at a table, one of them being the professional dancer. Actually, two of them were, and all three of them were quite handsome. We sat and talked, laughed a bit, danced some salsa and I was quite glad to be single; being able to flirt on purpose... or accident without thinking about it too much. We went home pretty early, but I was well tired and ready for bed!

I am the last cookie

2011-08-03T10:24:00.003Z

In a small living room with an antique sofa, a couple of chairs and a small table you can find a group of friends sitting around talking. On the small table there is a plate of cookies. As time passes the cookies become fewer and fewer. No one really notices this happening, its all natural, the way God intended. At some point there are only two cookies left, but only for a short while. Someone quickly snatches the second to last cookie... and then there was one. Only one cookie left. But no one dares take it, because for some reason that would be rude. They all want the cookie, but taking the last cookie is impolite.

I am the last cookie.

All the other girls have been snatched.... and now different guys just nibble at me, taking small pieces here and there until there is no more me. Until I disappear.

NO more!! I am taking some time to become the whole cookie again, and if I have to move so that I am not the last cookie anymore, than so be it. But from now on, no one nibbles at me. Either you take the whole cookie or leave it!!

And how come "you break it, you buy it" doesn't apply to hearts?
Its ok I guess, I can look back now and see that I really wouldn't have wanted to end up with most of the guys who broke my heart through the years... besides.... I wouldn't have wanted to end up with the guys who's hearts I have broken either... it's all good.

My brother visited me last night and I decided to take some pictures of him... he kept asking what the heck I was taking random photos for... I just felt like taking pictures... these are some of my favorite from last night.

And then there is this again...

2011-08-01T01:46:00.002Z

I feel so lost and stuck. I am on an island in the north Atlantic... I have this hole inside me and I can't see that there is anything here that can fill that hole and I don't know how to fix it. I thought things would be much better by now... and they do get better, usually they stay better for a while, but then suddenly I fall back into this. I don't know what to do anymore.

Long time, no sleep...

2011-07-29T10:46:00.004Z

Its been forever! I feel like I have been totally neglecting my blog. What happened was I got super busy with work, and then my family all went on vacation so I was home alone... which I don't like. So I have spent most my time away from home and having way too much fun with friends and family (the bit thats not on vacation). So much has happened.
A short list:

-went to the swimming pool with my nieces and actually swam
-had a total meltdown at work (tears and hopelessness) but then decided things will be ok and they were ok and I was fine (old man B didn't want to eat his breakfast, so his medication pills turned into mush and he wouldn't take his pills, I tried everything. and then I was late getting him ready for physical therapy and his driver was already there when I started trying to put his shoes on his feet, but he wouldn't have it and so it was almost impossible to get his shoes on... the end)
-had really good meetings
-helped my brother get ready for a YSA convention. went shopping with him and helped him pick out cool clothes!
-cut the hair of ALL THE BOYS!! turns out I am quite good.... and by "all the boys" I mean, my nephew and both my brothers. Mom is next.
-ate too much food and feel totally fat. Need to change the way I think about my body. I am not fat, and I should eat healthy.
-walked to work and found a pretty snazzy sweater (yes, I take clothes and stuff I find lying around on the street)
-got hit on by an older gentleman at a café. He was well nice though, and told the best stories. It was seriously too bad he wasn't a bit younger and I wasn't a bit older.
-went to some areas of downtown Reykjavík which I haven't been to much lately. It was so lovely and I took bunches of pictures I will put up with this post. My friend Hilmar actually took a lot of the pictures. It was fun.
-I stayed over at a friends house for a couple of nights.
-fell in love with a kitten, but refused to take it home since I am have decided not to get a cat while I am still single. I will not become a cat lady.
-Went to see Captain America, it was really good for a fluff movie. I quite enjoyed it... but I enjoyed the company of the people who saw it with me more so than the movie itself.
-Jumped on a trampoline and actually did some tricks... I was dared by a 6 year old... so I had to! It was not as hard as I thought it would be... but then at one point I totally face planted the trampoline and was thankful that I didn't mess up my face.
-found a really cool playground... I love playgrounds.
The end

also, I keep having dreams where he is avoiding me or leaving without saying goodbye... I hate it... I would rather not dream at all!

Night shifts and a bit of gossip

2011-07-22T08:58:00.004Z

Another night shift, which means another night of back to back Gossip Girl and I think I figured out why I love that show so much these days. I don't think I would have watched it 6 weeks ago... because 6 weeks ago, my life was a middle class version of an episode of Gossip Girl... in fact, the last 8 months or so have been pretty much like an episode of Gossip Girl. So much drama and endless "he loves me, he loves me not". Now that its over I am glad to have a fairly normal, non drama life. But I worry that I may be a bit of an excitement junky, if there is nothing too exciting going on in my life I turn to movies and TV shows.
I feel like right now, the show is still going on, but I am one of the characters who's story line is taking a short break. Something is about to happen, and I don't know what or when, but I am just taking a breather and thoroughly enjoying it.

I should probably sleep some now, since I have been up all night. It just started raining and the sound of the drops hitting the roof are making me sleepier than I usually am after a night shift. So calming.
I love life.

A day to remember..

2011-07-20T23:09:00.006Z

I had the most wonderful day.

Let me tell you about it.

At 7pm this morning I woke up and got ready for work. I usually wear non-cool clothes to work, but since the sun was shining and my mood was fantastic I decided to wear a dress for a change. At work I managed to burn the porridge and had to scrub the bottom of pan for the longest time to get the burnt oatmeal off. It didn't make me upset or annoyed though. Old man B didn't like my cooking and kept wiping his tongue off with his hand after each spoon full. I am not surprised though, it looked like cement and probably tasted worse. So I gave him a bottle of Froosh (fruit drink) instead. He liked that well enough.
As the day went by we enjoyed smiles while dancing and singing in the kitchen, reading a book in the back yard in the sunshine, taking a fake nap in the living room and changing diapers in the restroom. Well, we didn't smile very much during the changing diapers part. But the rest of the day was pretty much full of smiles.
I took E out for a walk in the afternoon. We walked for a while until we got to this playground in the neighborhood. E and I share a love for swings, so we sat on the swings for the longest time talking about the people in the cars driving by, and about our moms, and dogs leaving their business all about. I was so into our little one sided conversation... one sided because she can't speak much, she listens though, and laughs, and says one or two words when she gets really excited about the conversation, which is really cute!... anyways, I was so into our conversation that I didn't notice the guy fixing something on the house right behind us. He probably heard most of our seemingly pointless, nonsense, one sided conversation, which makes me feel a bit embarrassed now that I think about it, but I didn't notice him until E and I decided to head back home (E's home, where I work).
I was getting out of the swing when my dress got stuck and I almost ripped it before I noticed it was completely wedged between the chain and the rubber seat of the swing. How it got that stuck is beyond me. I guess it was fate working its little magic. I told E to wait for me cuz I had to get my dress un-stuck, but she kept walking away so I started calling her, and telling her not to go anywhere. It was sort of like a scene from a movie cuz right then, in the midst of my calling out for E to wait and not run into the street this guy calls out "uhumm... can I help you? are you stuck?"
I don't blush often, but I dare say I did at that moment. I told him it was ok, I just needed to get my dress lose and make sure E didn't run off. He went over to E, introduced himself like a true gentleman and offered to walk her back to me. He then asked if he could give getting my dress un-stuck a go. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments, where you can't really challenge fate because no matter how cheesy your situation is, its one you have wanted to experience since Jane Austen started writing novels. So I just let go of the dress and the swing and gave him the opportunity to save my life... well, my dress' life, which he promptly did, and without even so much as a split seam.
I asked him if he ever considered giving up "home improvements" for a life of "damsel in distress saving". He said he really hadn't thought about it, but figured since this first attempt had gone so well, he might. After a short but sweet conversation he came to the conclusion that he should just go back to home improvements (on his grandparents house by the way, what a freakin stud! spending a wednesday afternoon fixing up his grandparents place). He did ask for my number though, after asking if I was free this Friday night.
I was happy to say that I don't have an evening shift this Friday, which is very rare, I seem to be scheduled to work a lot on Friday nights. I guess miracles do happen every day! And this one was quite pleasant.

And just so you know, I made about 65% of that story up... its a nice thought though... a day like that happening in a life like mine.... I guess it could still happen, slightly different maybe, but still...

Trust?

2011-07-18T23:13:00.004Z

Sometimes I wonder if its me or these guys that are all wrong. I have spent too much time and heart power on a rock star who repeatedly breaks my heart. And yet, every time he pulls me in again I decide I have somehow become a slightly different person since last time and am better equipped to make it work, to encourage him to be a better persona and treat me well.... and things may change to the better in some ways with time, but I still end up alone and with my heart broken. I am realizing continuing with this is not worth a cup of tea or any more of my time or effort.
At work, during night shift, I have been watching Gossip Girl and I find myself getting more and more attracted to Chuck Bass... I worry that I may have dangerously-attracted-to-the-bad-boy syndrome, hopefully not at an advanced stage. What is it about bad boys anyways? I don't think most of the "bad boys" I know would confess to being bad boys. They have goodness in them, some of them even have a lot of it, and I think that is what attracts me to them. That they are just misunderstood or have a hard time showing their emotions or whatever. And for some reason I think I might be the girl to change that.

I can only change myself, and I don't like the changes I make to myself to try to make things work with these guys.

.... I am thankful for men.

I was going to end the post there, but then I saw a photo of the word "trust" and I thought "maybe thats the secret ingredient". I could never trust the rock star. I have never really trusted guys. I am not ever sure I completely trust myself. I need to at least trust myself. Sometimes I even forget to trust God. How impossible is that!
So the plan is this.... Remember to always trust God (which is easy to do when I remember He is there, always has been, always will be). Trust myself, and live up to that trust (don't do anything against my better judgement or my conscience) and learn to trust others and choose to surround myself with people I know I can trust.

Change is going to come... just not today

2011-07-13T02:08:00.005Z

Today I am thankful for tissue paper, for Beyoncés new song, for my mom, for time passing, for knowing that God loves me and has a plan for me and for knowing that me being happy is part of that plan.

But it still hurts. I wish it didn't hurt.

I have the night shift tomorrow night and to be honest I am worried because I will have three hours of being busy and 6 hours of quiet time... just me and my thoughts... and my thoughts tend to not make me laugh a lot in the middle of the night lately.
For tonight, however, I can sleep it off.

Good night.

Stuck on letting go

2011-07-11T10:04:00.003Z

Its been a week now, and it still hurts. I sort of hate that I gave it another chance because I was doing fine at the time. I was over it and happy with life. I am still happy with life and hopeful (not just hopeful for the future but also for today and for every moment). But now I am not over it anymore. It wont let go, and I keep praying and wanting to let go of these feelings, but they are still there.
I am at the point right now where it really doesn't matter if I still have these feelings, I couldn't give it another go because there is no trust. And since there is no trust, I can't see how there can even be friendship. It has sort of all gone bad. Maybe that is the reason I can't let go. Because before, I was just letting go of the fondness, but not the friendship. Now I am letting go of all of it, because the friendship seems to always get me back here, where I don't want to be anymore.

I will give it a go with someone else.
I am willing to trust and fall back in love... with someone else.
I just have to let go of the past... again... and that still hurts.

It sort of has to be a choice though doesn't it. Because heartbreak happens at all ages, and so does betrayal and cheating and all that bad stuff you hope you never have to go through in your life, but you see happening all around. So I am choosing to chose well and hoping that I can be as happy with someone else as I am by myself. I don't need someone else, but I want someone else, because it is such a wonderful experience: to be in love, to be loved, to give love and receive love.
The hurt may hurt a lot, but while its good, it's so worth it. And that is why I chose to do it again, but next time, it will be with someone else. And next time, it will hopefully last longer and be better.
I gave all I could give, and I'll do it again, and hopefully get all he can give in return.
I am sort of excited to see who he will be.

A good job heals a wounded heart

2011-07-08T23:46:00.002Z

Right now I am so thankful for a job I absolutely love. It was a joy to go back to work after having two days off. I enjoyed relaxing and painting and singing during my time off. But going back to work got my mind off of the more serious and less joyful parts of my life, the things that make their way into my dreams and my waking thoughts when I have too much time.
I had the evening shift, which means it was just me and my darling angels. They make me laugh so much! After putting the two older ones to bed it was just me and the girlies. We watched "So you think you can dance" and I sang along to the songs I knew... it made the two of them laugh so hard! They even danced. I love them!! I love that no matter how bad I am feeling when I arrive at work, I always leave work feeling emotionally .... fulfilled. I feel relaxed, happy and calm.

Tomorrow will be better

2011-07-07T17:39:00.004Z

I'm not doing so good today and I don't know exactly why. The past few days have been great, but something is just off today. Who am I kidding. I want to be loved, I want to be in love. I want to fall asleep in someone's arms and feel safe.
Last night I had a dream. I dreamt that I got to experience cuddling from a guys perspective. Weird, I know. But I had myself laying in my own arms. I remember it felt better than when I cuddle with a guy. I remember thinking "wow, it is so nice to have someone so safely in your arms, why would he ever want to give this up?". And then I woke up. And I may feel totally fine at times, which is wonderful! and I am so thankful for that! but right now I feel like crap!

I am going to go take a nap.

This last one is just because it made me laugh! which I really enjoyed! I enjoy laughing....

Goldfish vs. New York

2011-07-07T01:56:00.004Z

Things are happening. I woke up yesterday morning and decided I was going to buy myself a goldfish... then I changed my mind and decided that instead of getting a goldfish I should fly to New York... in September. So just a few minutes ago I bought the tickets. I am not going to NY to see the empire state building, or the statue of liberty... I am going there to follow my heart and be happy. I wanna eat pizza and walk around and hang out with friends and smile and laugh! and maybe see a play on broadway. This is not a trip you anyone should envy me for, because its not a glamour trip. I won't be spending money or doing fancy things. I will be living.
On to other things. I am enjoying the artsy side of life these days. Yesterday I started painting and usually I am not happy with what I am working on and it takes me forever to get started. But this time I forced myself to paint! something... anything! just paint! and I decided it didn't matter if the painting sucked and I hated it, just do something, get something out and on canvas. I hated the painting... I will probably...no, not probably... I will definitely paint over it. But it got me started, and then a couple of hours later I got an idea for a painting I am super excited about. So I started on it and so far so good. It says something. It means something to me. I think what matters is getting your feelings out on canvas and not worrying about what others will think or how it will look. It is my painting. All my best work has been work that represented part of me.
I should go to the garage and get my paintings and put them up on my walls. Why the heck are they still in storage anyways!
But yeah... so, life is good.
I am an artist.... when I feel like it. I love that I get to do that... be an artist one day and a regular Unnur the next. Life is such a wonderful gift!
I am so excited for every day! It makes me laugh how everyday things can be so exciting and fun, and then every once in a while you get to go to New York. I love it!

Its time I dance in public, the way I dance when no one is around :)

A text from outer space

2011-07-06T13:44:00.003Z

Dear dude,
leave me alone. I don't want to be your friend right now and I don't need your stupid pity texts. You may think I will read what you asked me to read and feel all full of hope and faith... I am full of hope and faith, but your text has nothing to do with it. You should try to work out your own mess of a life and not try to fix me. I don't need your help, I don't need you to fix me and I don't need you to pretend like you receive revelations for me! I don't need you and what's more, I don't WANT you!! so leave me alone.

....What you asked me to read was actually really nice though.

I just don't want this text from you. It's because I am mad at you. If you don't know why, then you are either seriously brain damaged or in major denial.

...I just needed to get that out of my system.

More happiness posts to follow... later.

And so, I wash myself clean of you and hang myself out to dry in the sun.

I love it when life sings with me

2011-07-06T00:19:00.003Z

I am extremely thankful. Could it be that I have finally come to realize that I am enough. Could it be that heartbreak can last for only two days? Because I have faith in God and love and respect for myself? I am not trying to say that I am totally over him and fine... but I am fine.

This morning I slept in. My unstoppable brain thoughts were nowhere to be seen and so I could safely sleep and dream well until 11am. I worked a 10 hour shift today, and I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating; I LOVE my job!! I didn't cry at all today, instead I laughed and played and worked hard and enjoyed every minute of it! I finally found a job that I am happy to have. I used to think I was a school kind of person, born to be a student because I didn't really enjoy working all that much... but I guess I was just working in all the wrong places. Now I officially love my job, my faith, my school, my family, myself, my hobbies. Life is good! So good in fact that I feel like I am in love, but instead of being in love with someone, I am just in love with life. And I am so happy that this change from being sort of not single to being totally single hasn't ruined my happiness. Because my happiness in life was not totally based on that "relationship". It was just a bonus, and I look forward to getting a bonus again someday. But until then, I am enough, my life is enough. I am happy!
I am also thankful that I am at that place in my life right now where I wont take just any man. I can be picky, because I don't need a man, I can choose who I want to spend my time with. And I will choose someone I can trust, respect and laugh with.

I look forward to a couple of days of time off from work too, which may sound strange after having just declared my love for my job. But the thing is, there is more to life than a job, or a man, or school. I am excited to spend some time with me. I look forward to painting, and maybe writing a song or pretending to play instruments and singing. I look forward to taking a long walk by myself in the sun and maybe dipping my toes in the ocean. I look forward to spending time with my niece, going to a Relief Society meeting, going to the movies, finally watching the first half of the last part of Harry Potter, sleeping, reading, knitting, sunbathing... doing all sorts... ooo maybe I will bake! ... or cook! anyways, you know what I mean. Life is full of wonderfulness! Life is a dream coming true!

Flowers, hugs and answers to prayers, these are a few of my favorite things

2011-07-05T00:51:00.004Z

This morning I woke up with a strange feeling in my stomach. I thought maybe I had had a bad dream, but then I remembered what happened yesterday and felt myself sinking as I realized it wasn't a dream at all. It hurt. But then I decided to move on. Hope and faith is always better than that hurting feeling.

Aside from my regular private crying sessions, today was actually quite nice. After battling with my brain for about an hour this morning, trying to turn it off and go back to sleep I finally gave up, prayed to God and then turned on the light and some music. One of the first things I did was ask myself "what could make you feel better today little Unnur?" and the answer wasn't hard to find. I wanted flowers and a hug.

I started crying while doing my makeup right before noon, and then for the rest of the day I found myself crying a tiny bit every two to three hours, just to clear out some heavy duty emotions I didn't want to carry around.
On my way to work I had to drop off a DVD at the library. My brother was going to take me there at 11:30, but he was late due to a series of unfortunate events, but nonetheless we made it to the library at 11:45 and just as I walked in I knew why he had been late. It was so that I could run into my grandmother at the library. We sat down for a little chat and she taught me some important life lessons. I felt like I wasn't alone after that, like there was hope and love and happiness. I am pretty sure my grandma is an angel, she was my angel today!

At work I was surrounded by angels. I love my job! I love that I get to take care of people who can't do it on their own. They teach me so much and give so much!! One of the girls there, who is mentally handicapped gave me endless amounts of hugs and made me laugh. A lady who also lives there listened to me as I explained what I was feeling, I don't know how much she understood, but at the end of my senseless rambling I said "but isn't it better to just smile and be happy than to be heartbroken?" and she replied "yes, that is always better than the other option" and then she gave me the biggest smile and laughed. It melted my heart and made me so thankful for the opportunity to have this job and learn from these wonderful people. I am pretty sure they are angles, they were my angels today!

I went to Friend Home Evening after work. Some friends ate together and then we had a short spiritual thought and a game and refreshments. We were all listening to the lesson when my brother leaned over to me and said "you should go outside, there is someone there who wants to see you" and I got super excited and for a minute I thought maybe "he" had changed his mind.... but I quickly pushed that thought aside and labeled it stupid and redundant... I have made up my mind and thats that. Anyways, I got out and there was my friend who always seems to be an answer to my prayers!! There she was, carrying flowers that she then gave to me and then gave me a hug. I didn't realize until I was hugging her that that was exactly what I had asked for this morning, to make my day better. It was just a reminder to me how wonderful life is!! I am pretty sure my friend is an angel, she was my angel today!

These things I would have said today if things were different:

- I asked if I could ask a blessing on the food at dinner at work today. It was only A, B and me, but A was super excited and after the prayer she said "I was pleased with that". It made me smile. B didn't seem to mind the praying, but he didn't seem super excited about it either.

- I miss ...

Dear Hearbreak

2011-07-03T19:31:00.003Z

Dear Heartbreak,

You are no longer welcome at my doorstep. I don't want you in my life. In fact, I hate you!! So I will kindly ask you now to leave, and never come back.

Sincerely,
Ohso Readyto Moveon

p.s. why the heck do you always have to hurt me so much. If I could I would puke on you!!

The thing is, I knew this guy wasn't right for me. I am just so darn stubborn! and now here I am feeling a mixture of emotions; sad, hopeful, mad, relieved, mad... ohh wait... I already said mad once.
Please dear God, help me never do this again!! I really really really really really really really really really really really really really don't want to!!

And now, to make things a bit more optimistic I would like to say: I know who I am, I know what I deserve, I know God lives and has a plan for me, I know that plan involves happiness in great quantities!! It is time I give some time, love and attention to me!

Maybe I will go to Paris on my own this fall... I don't want to wait to go until I find a guy who will take me anymore. Guys suck anyways (you know I don't mean that, I just felt like saying it, so I did! That is, the part about guys sucking, a lot of them don't suck at all). SCREW YOU WORLD!! ( I didn't mean that either).

Dear life,

Please bring on the next adventure. I can't stand the thought of mundaneness (I believe I may just have invented that word, bravo me!)

Yours Truly
Hungryfor Adventure!

Excuse me? I seem to have lost myself, you wouldn't happen to have seen me around somewhere?

2011-07-02T00:13:00.004Z

I don't like this. I don't like feeling like I have to watch what I say, keep a check on everything I do and make sure it is pleasing to someone else. Where the heck did I leave myself this time around? I thought I was being so careful. I thought I was doing so well, just being myself. But then I went and lost myself again. I need to take some time. Yeah, I need to take time for myself... cuz heaven knows time doesn't just sit around waiting for you... you need to make sure to take it! take it and use it wisely.
I thought about chatting with some old friends and new friends to see if they think I am stupid or boring... or if it is all in my head. I decided against it. First of all, that would just be stupid. Second of all, what does it matter what they think. It matters what I think and what God thinks... and I truly believe God loves me.... so now I just need to remember what it is that I think.
I think today has just been super off too. It started out sort of... off. It was raining when I walked to the bus... and I kept thinking about weather I would be soaked through by the time I got into work. I was fine, but I think my mood got left in pessimistic mode. Things were sort of 50/50 from then on. I made a lovely dinner for everyone, but then made a mistake with someone's medicine, nothing too serious, but enough to make me think "ugh... suck! I hope my co-workers wont hate me for life for this one. Then I went to watch a movie with my friends. The communications were a bit off... I felt stupid and boring.
So when I got home, I gave my mom a big hug... or rather, she gave me a big hug. She seems to have a radar that tells her when I am not feeling 100% great :) Then I went into bed with my lap top and put on my song, the one I picked to be just mine, my song to myself, to remind me that I love and respect myself (the song is songbird, google it!). A moment later a good friend... no.. a great friend started a chat with me on facebook. She seems to me like an angel, always sending me uplifting messages and telling me how wonderful she thinks I am exactly when I need it :) I am thankful to God for friends like that!

Yesterday I asked "what do I want?"
Well, I want someone who will respect me. Someone I can trust with my feelings and my stupid/silly stories that usually have no climax and no twists of surprising endings. Someone who will listen and not judge me or get irritated with the topics I want to talk about, even if they don't particularly interest him. Someone who will inspire me to be better and to follow my dreams. Someone who wants me to be happy. Someone who wants to spend time with me. Someone who will touch me gently for no good reason, other than that I like to be touched. Someone who will not only tell me I look good/smell good/something good about my appearance, but will also think I am smart/funny/interesting. Someone who will pick me flowers in the summer time and cuddle with me when I feel tired or lazy.
I want someone who I can be me around, and someone I wont feel like a fool for doing all these things for too/in return.

Too much?

2011-07-01T00:26:00.004Z

First off, this picture just makes me laugh, so I thought I would post it in my blog and share it with all you lovely people!

Now, lets get back to business.

What happens when life starts offering you too many good options...? How am I supposed to know what to do with all this goodness?
I was riding my bike to my sisters house today at noon. The sun was shining. I was perfectly happy. And so I started counting all the things I love about myself and my life. Selfish? self absorbed? I think not. I think it is good to realize how blessed you are. Count your blessings, name them one by one.
I love my hair, I love my face, I love my body, I love that I am healthy, I love that I am getting an education, I love that I love my job, I love that I have a job, I love that I have a bike, I love that it is summer, I love that I have such a wonderful family, I love that I could sleep in today, I love that I have great friends, I love that I am financially alright, I love that I know a really nice guy who likes to spend time with me, I love that I don't need him but like to be around him, I love that I can read books other than school books and the list goes on and on... I love life!!

I spent the day with family and friends, cut my nephews hair, went swimming with a few loved ones after which we went for some icecream and then a movie and pizza and then cozy times with live guitar music. Then I got home, prayed with my family before jumping into bed with my lovely lap top to write a blog. I decided to check my facebook and found that I had a message from an old friend.

I read the message... and now things are different. Now I actually have to think about what I want. What do I want? When life offers you so many good things, when you are so blessed, how do you know which blessings God intends for you and which ones are just ... just for now.

Good thing it is fast Sunday this weekend. That means time to ponder and pray and listen for answers.

Love of self and love of life

2011-06-25T01:22:00.003Z

I am totally in love with myself. Tonight when I was cleaning off my makeup and brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror and realized I am perfectly happy with the way I look. I like my face, my hair and my body. I also, and more importantly, like who I am. The person I am. Sometimes I get lost in trying to please others. I lose grip of who I really am. I don't like that and am trying my best to take time for myself every day to just be me and remember who I am. so that when I get tempted to jump into people pleasing mode I can better remind myself of who I am and that people pleasing is rarely if ever worth it when you are not being true to yourself. You can however often please people, or bring joy to people, by simply being yourself.
I like that I like myself.

Today was wonderful!! I woke up at 2pm and went to work at 4pm. It was my second evening shift at my new job. I love that I love my job. It is such a wonderful job to have! I love that it makes me feel wonderful. I get to take care of people who cannot take care of themselves. I get to have meaningful conversations with people who can't speak. I get to cook and clean and sing to the songs on the radio. I get to stay in a beautiful home with 5 angels and I get paid for it! And the days when I don't have work, I get to help my family, hang out with friends, read and knit do other things I enjoy doing, develop my talents and learn new things. I get to learn and grow and feel so alive every day. I am totally in love with my life.
to be continued...

lost? no... just blind.

2011-06-23T12:24:00.003Z

I am in that place again... the place where I know where I want to get to eventually (I know my destination), and I know what my next step should be... but I can't see the road ahead clearly... I can't see how exactly I will get to my destination. I have an idea of how I wish things would turn out... but I don't know anything for sure. It bothers me. I guess I just have to trust God and take one step at a time... and pray... a lot!

Sunsets and pink clouds

2011-06-19T00:49:00.012Z

I feel like my life is an endless summer sunset these days. Calm, beautiful, happy and hopeful. Who could have known life could be like this. This is different from anything I have ever experienced before, and I love it. I used to be so anxious that I wasn't the right person for someone else. But these days, I am completely enjoying being me. I don't know what comes after the sunset that has lasted for over a week now, and I am not worried about it, because I love the night time; The stars and the moon are just as lovely as the sunset. Anyways, what I am trying to say is that I am exactly where I want to be in life right now. I am happy.

I am not in love, just enjoying falling very slowly. I am also fully aware that I might end up flat on the ground all by myself. But falling in slow motion rarely results in great injury and I thoroughly enjoy my own company, so the thought of face-planting all by myself doesn't scare me much at all. And chances are I might get caught by someone on my way down. I like the idea of that end to this lovely story. Either way, I get to enjoy feeling like this now. Feeling so alive. I'd recommend it to anyone!!

Life is such a gift. I hope I never forget that, I hope I never lose hope, I hope I keep being this optimistic about life, I hope I can continue feeling this blessed throughout my life.

As long as I get to be me

2011-06-15T12:02:00.011Z

I would like to start by apologizing for the lack of postage on my blog lately. Life has simply been to good to put into words, and I am not complaining. A few weeks/months ago I decided to find myself, to regain control over my own life. I realized I cannot stay happy if I am constantly trying to control everything and everyone around me. I can only control myself. So I got to know who I am and was really happy to see that I actually love myself. Turns out, other people love me too, and they tend to love me more when I am being myself. Isn't life wonderful like that.
There is nothing I can complain about today. The sun is shining, the mood is happy, the future is bright.
Also, every song sounds like a love song to me today... and then every once in a while I will actually listen to the lyrics and think to myself "ohh goodness this song is depressing" but keep being as happy as I can be :)
I wish the rest of the world could feel what I feel today.
It feels sort of a little bit like this:

Bad habits

2011-06-10T09:26:00.002Z

Sometimes I think I bring a lot of pain into my own life... I am in the habit of seeing the worst, even when it is not there.
When driving I tend to see possible collisions in my head, how things could end badly. When walking down a steep flight of stairs I tend to see how I might fall and get seriously injured. When I am out walking at night I tend to watch for places someone might be hiding in and waiting to attack me. I think I get this from my parents. I think its my codependent need to control. If I can't foresee every possible outcome I can't control anything. Negative outcomes are just easier to control than happy ones.
When I meet a guy I could be interested in, I tend to see us breaking up before anything even starts to happen between us. And then I play this game with him in my mind, a game he doesn't know the rules to. So there is no possible way for him to win and there is no possible way for me to end up being happy. But at least, that way, I know I will get disappointed and heartbroken, so I am in control.
STUPID!!
I did that again. Last night was good, everything was going great, then I accidentally went into crazy mode and started to analyze and see the worst. All of a sudden I started giving meaning to things I had no right to give meaning to. I accused someone of something and then found out I was totally and absolutely wrong! I think it was a good lesson for me. I came home feeling bad, like I had been hurt by someone else. Then I started thinking about it. I asked myself "what did he/she do to hurt me?".... the answer... nothing!! they did nothing wrong, and it was all in my head. I am glad it was all in my head and that I realized it. I also realize I sound absolutely nuts. But I also also think that if you realize you are nuts and you need to fix some things about yourself you are far better off then if you have no idea and just continue having your bad habits thinking they are totally normal.
I want:
-to be happy
-to be in an official relationship (some day, I am not in a hurry, it needs to be with the right guy!)
-be honest and open about my thoughts and feelings
-to be respected and to respect others
-to be happy (being happy is a must for me. I don't function well if I am unhappy... but thankfully it doesn't take much for me to be happy :) I have been laughing and smiling since the moment I was born!)

This I hope and pray for

2011-06-08T09:35:00.004Z

Today I pray to God to give me strength to do what is best for me, to love and respect others, to leave if I have to, to say what I need to, to just relax and be me. I am scared, which is probably a good thing. I am scared that I will make another mistake. I also know better now then ever before that I can be brave, because I trust that my heavenly father has a plan for me. Looking back on my relatively short life I can see that when I have followed Gods commandments my life has been blessed. I am trying my best to follow them now. I am hoping thats enough to keep me safe. I am totally vulnerable, taking a chance, not knowing the outcome, hoping for the best, but also knowing how badly it could end, if I don't stand up for myself. Dear Father, please help me remember who I am and what you have in store for me! please help me remember that unrighteousness never was happiness, please help me stay free and happy.

I want to smile and be proud of myself when I go to bed tonight.

A guy vs a real man

2011-06-06T13:18:00.006Z

I fear I may be getting older! I read some old info on me on my blog and noticed that I wrote "I love guys!". Well, I feel more inclined to say "I love men" now. The word "guys" just sounds too young for me. Or rather, too immature. I don't love guys the same way as I love men. Men are mature, ready to commit. Guys mess around with your head and your heart and then leave you for someone younger and thinner. And so, I have come to the conclusion that I do not love guys. In fact, I want to have a little to do with guys as possible. But a real man... I could definitely love a real man!

Thats all I really have to say about that...

ohh wait... I forgot to mention... I know its mean, but whenever I see a guy who is super gorgeous and super buff... I am not interested at all... because most of those guys just seem so stupid to me! I mean... what kind of social skills and knowledge could a super buff/hot guy have really?!?! I just figure that having gone through life spending most of your time watching what you eat, living at the gym and being adored by everyone for your good looks would leave a person shallow, self absorbed and simple minded!

Thats all I really have to say about that...

Belgian Robots and Sushi Salad

2011-06-06T13:03:00.002Z

What are you guys in Belgium doing on my blog every 7 or so hours? Its sort of weirding me out!!
Every 7 hours or so there is a big spike in the blog viewers log... and more than 400 of you wonderful readers are from Belgium (according to the information my blog thinger gives me).... is that normal? I mean, I am just an everyday type of blogger person... so I wonder if its some sort of virus.
Also, I have been watching Criminal Minds a lot lately, and when I realized there was a pattern... that more than 20 people from Belgium read/check out my blog every 7 hours I sort of got the feeling that this is part of some bigger devious plan! So what are you Belgians up to?
naaaaa just kidding! ..... but seriously though... are you guys real people who actually check out my blog? ... I will be anxiously awaiting a comment on this blog post... I hope you are real people and not some computer, taking over the world one blog at a time!!

Also also... I was craving sushi today... but there was no imitation crab or salmon to be had... I just had some cod or something in the fridge. I also happened to have some soy sauce, wasabi, cooked rice, a cucumber, a bowl and some chop sticks... which is all you really need to whip up some sushi salad. Simple and ohh so tasty!! yum!

And then came the calm after the storm... and the calm was welcomed and offered to stay

2011-06-04T21:44:00.007Z

I am so hungry for something... but not food. I can't put my finger on what it is, and thats pretty annoying to me!
So I just keep eating and eating and it doesn't fill me up. I need to stop eating, because I know that its not food I need. I need to just be happy with the direction my life is heading in. Thing is I feel pretty happy, or at least content with life. I just wish there was more excitement, more pleasant surprises, more freshness! It seems pretty "same old, same old" these days. I am not in love with anyone, I am not interested in anyone, I am working, I am a student, I am content. But there has to be more!! Sometimes I wish I could just pack up and go to New York or someplace exciting... finish my education from there, through the internet. But at the same time I think I should just stick it out. I just have to get through the next 11 months and try to do exciting new things every once in a while. Today I went to a football match (that is soccer, for you American types) It was so much fun. That is what I am talking about... just little things like that... I need to have something to look forward to.
I love being me, and am truly thankful for getting to be me, and getting a break from all the drama. This is the first time in a LONG time I haven't been interested in anyone of the opposite sex (and to those who have been following my blog, I do believe I have successfully moved on :) YAY for FREEDOM! ) I feels very calm, very nice... but not excited... I guess what I am trying to say is I don't want to feel like I need to be interested in someone for life to be exciting and fun. I can have fun without someone else bringing fun into my life. I can be excited about every day life without it having to do with some guy/man.
Actually, I am getting pretty excited about not liking anyone for a while. I think that sounds amazingly good! Its a relief!
I mean,my days are getting consistently wonderful, take today for example. I slept in and felt good when I woke up, which didn't use to be the case, I had problems sleeping and would wake up feeling sad/worried/mad/heartbroken/other negative feelings. I took my time getting ready, picked my clothes based on what I wanted to wear and what was comfortable, looked super hot! and wasn't worried at all weather "he" thought/would think I looked sexy. then hung out with my sister, my nieces and my friend Kleio. The whole day went by and I never once wondered what "he" was doing or feelt upset because "he" didn't call me or text me. I enjoyed it thoroughly! I went to a football match and was totally happy to be there with my brothers and sis-in-law and not sad because "he" didn't come with us. "he" can do whatever he wants... it doesn't affect me anymore, and that feels so good!! I can't even express in words how good that feels.
I do miss the cuddles and I do miss kissing and all the good times... but I am not willing to give this up just yet. I want to get to relax and just be me for a while... and then hopefully the next guy I get interested in will like me for me. And I would love it if next time "he" would treat me like a lady, hold my hand in public, show my interests interest, want me to shine... like in Stardust... the movie... Its very hard for me to hide my feelings, and I don't want to have to hide my feelings or my relationships ever again! I just want to keep being happy :) and I really wouldn't have it any other way.

...and my mother wept

2011-06-01T21:47:00.002Z

I decided to start a new blog. It is a blog about pornography, human trafficking, rape and incest, for all the daughters whose mothers have wept. I am especially interested in helping women who have been through these things and often feel driven to write about it. About what I think is wrong in society, about these women's experiences and what people can do to help and be aware. So if you are interested check out http://andmymotherwept.blogspot.com/

Very young girls

2011-06-01T10:54:00.004Z

There are a few things I REALLY REALLY want to do in life. I want to be a wife and mom some day and I look forward to it.
The other thing I REALLY REALLY REALLY want is to help women who have been sexually abused and sexually exploited. There is this organization in New York I really want to work at. There is a lot of talk in Iceland about prostitution and weather or not it is a problem. I believe it's a much bigger problem than we realize. The women's center here in Iceland is looking for a place to open up a home for women who have been in human trafficking, to help them out. I wanna work there, but I think it would be really really good to get some experience in a place where there is experience to take from.
There is this documentary I think everyone should watch.
check it!
http://www.zshare.net/video/62594579788dfacf/

Summer brings spiders, Unnur brings death!

2011-05-31T23:16:00.005Z

I haven't really felt motivated to blog lately. I guess it's because I have been feeling just fine... not super happy and not upset.
Nothing super excited has happened in the last couple of days... We had some friends over from the states, which was awesome, but I didn't really feel the need to blog about it.
Probably the most blogworthy thing that has happened is the marathon runner spider in my room. Spiders, and bugs in general, are not my favorite... except worms, I think worms are cute... I don't know why. But every time it rains and the sidewalks are crowded with drowning worms my heart hurts a little bit for them. I don't feel the need to harm bugs though... in fact, I really don't want to kill bugs at all!
Back to the spider, I was going to bed the other night and saw this spider on the middle of my floor. It was probably standing completely still, holding its breath, hoping it would blend in with the dust bunnies on my floor and that I would turn out my lights and go to bed without noticing it. It was hoping and praying it would survive. But I saw it. Poor thing, was shaking in its knees! all 8 of them... or 6... I don't remember how many legs spiders have. Anyways, I almost decided to just turn out the lights and go to bed anyways... because I was too scared of it to get rid of it... but too much of a coward to kill it. But then when I had just turned out the lights I realized I would never be able to fall asleep with a huge spider running rampid in my room. So I quickly turned on the light again, got a jar that was sitting on my desk. It was full of water since I usually drink water from jars through a straw... so I watered Chuck Norris, my plant, with the rest of my water, threw away the straw and then attempted to catch the spider with the jar... The spider sensed danger and started running! and it was like a freaking cheetah! so I had to move fast to catch it... which I did... but then I was too scared to do anything more with it... so i just left the jar on the floor. For the next three days it was just sitting there, and I thought the spider must have died by then... my brother came by and decided to tease his wife, who was in the room with us. He moved the jar and found out the spider was still alive. I felt HORRIBLE!! poor thing starved to death on my bedroom floor and it took days! can you imagine how long that is for a tiny little spider.
I hope it doesn't come back to haunt me!

Later
THIS JUST IN!! the spider lives!! I am not a spider killer! although I have grossly neglected it... but I will make sure to have a brave someone help me set it free in our yard tomorrow. woohoo!

Porn, child prostitution and parenting

2011-05-26T12:59:00.004Z

I decided to repost a blog entry I originally posted in 2009. But first: I just watched a short clip from a news show here in Iceland. It talked about child prostitution in Iceland and how the centers who help out rape and incest victims and Barnahús, which helps children who have been rape or incest victims have seen an increase in child prostitution here in Iceland.
This video was the number two most popular video on the website where I found it. The number one most viewed video was by a comedian from Iceland. The title had a warning, that the video might be too much for some people. I started watching it, just to see what could be more interesting or important than a news clip on child prostitution. Basically in the video the comedian was playing a drunk father singing to his 13 year old son. It starts out with the boy looking at a playboy magazine and his dad walking in without knocking... then he goes on to explain to his son that its ok because women are all whores. And then the devil goes: "Horray for the death of morals and virtue!!"
I just don't get it! I can't see how people can watch the number 1 video and laugh and then go on to watch the number 2 video and be shocked... I almost puked all over my lap top!
I thought it was interesting how the news clip on child prostitution ended by encouraging parents to have all computers be in the center of the home, a public place where the parents can watch what is going on, what their children are doing on the internet. I thought it was cool to see how I heard a living prophet say those words at general conference a couple of years ago and now they are saying it on the news. I think it must be kind of important!

Anyways, here is what I posted in 2009... I think it still applies!

I ran into some photos of 8th graders at a school dance. I was shocked! do parents today not realize that they are making parenthood so much more difficult for future parents!
Since when is it ok for 13 and 14 year old girls to walk around wearing tiny materials that barely cover anything? They wear this to attract the opposite sex I am guessing. But, do they even know anything about the opposite sex? Should they even know anything about anything that has anything to do with sex, opposite or not? These are kids, selling their bodies for popularity. It is awful. And what am I supposed to tell my daughter who will want to look like that at age 11 because parents of the past have not had guts enough to set some sort of boundaries for their children? "no honey, I'd rather not you look like a hooker and get pregnant with some idiot boys baby at 14 thank you very nice!"
This is the product of capitalism and materialism, pushing parents away from parenthood towards the search for greater wealth. The product of insane media and the devil!

Do parents not realize what information they are giving their children simply by letting them wear clothing like that (I realize there are many contributing factors, this is the one I have chosen to highlight for this blog entry). Daughters are raised to believe their bodies determine their worth, that in order to be desirable they must wear as little as possible to show off as much as possible. Their intellect, their kindness and their personality becomes less important as it will get them nowhere in the popularity contest of teenage life. Young men grow up not respecting the young women they are surrounded by. They do not look for a virtuous young woman, a kind young woman, a young woman who builds on her individual worth. They learn to look for a young woman whose body is desirable.
From this mindset future families are formed, with lack of meaningful deep connection and respect between two grownups. Families are formed with little or no understanding about the importance of self respect, respect for others and love (rather than lust). And then these families fall apart, because they were not based on love, patience, understanding and hard work (at least not hard work where it matters: in the home and family).
Parenthood is not supposed to be easy, it is hard work. Relationships and marriages are not supposed to be easy, they are hard work. But both parenthood and relationships/marriages are worth all that hard work.
We need to learn about our individual worth, gain knowledge and be accountable for our choices. We need to do good works, have integrity and be virtuous. After we do these things for ourselves, we need to teach our sons and daughters. There are so many social problems in the world today, and many of them start in the home, because of bad parenting.
When you become a parent, you take on a responsibility, its not a game! It can be wonderful, fun, challenging and difficult, all at once. But it is your responsibility as a parent to teach your child, to set some rules, and to help a child become an individual who is neither a burden to your family nor to society, but a blessing to both!
THE END

I want to add a couple of links for those who are interested....

Is pornography the new tobacco?
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=8688430349376567424

Internet Porn: worse than crack?
http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2004/11/65772

The evils of pornography are deadly to human spirit
http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/39648/The-evils-of-pornography-are-deadly-to-human-spirit.html

A little bit of this and a lot of that and a even some of the other

2011-05-26T00:40:00.011Z

Time for rambling on about nothing! wooohooo!
I decided to just post some of my most favorite photos and write what I think of when I see these photos. I apologize in advance :D

hahaha this photo made me actually laugh out loud! Such a cutie pie picture! but on a more serious note, I don't really like animals... cats and dogs... ugh... except when I see a photo of them or am around them... then they melt my heart! I once had a puppy and he used to sleep in my bed, by my feet and I loved him!! but then due to a series of unfortunate events he went away to live out in the country (code for he was put down) and I cried!! then last summer we found a stray kitten and it was mine for a day and night. He slept under my chin and then we had to take him to the cat house (yeah, they have a place here called Kattholt, roughly translated: "Cathill" for stray cats, and they do take good care of the cats!) to see if they could find him a new mommy, cuz he was so tiny! and we had to leave him there... and I cried again... so I guess I love cats and dogs... but I hate that I love them so much and then they get taken away.

I love silly faces. One of these photos is me and was taken a little over a year ago. The other one is someone I don't know and I found it on weheartit.com the other day. I just thought it was funny that there are others out there like me!

Being bitter and mad (in every sense of the word) just feels good sometimes.... but most definitely not all the time! and preferably only for 2 minutes or so at a time. Thats all I have to say about that... seeing as my bitter/crazy time is up.

I just think this guy is hot.... although I am not particularly fond of guys who drink, smoke or do drugs... I will just pretend thats soda in his hand. yumm!

Sometimes I wish I could make photos become real life, like clothes I like, but can't afford... if I could just take pictures of them and then reach inside the photo and take them out of the photo and own them... I love clothes, but unfortunately I am a poor student and can't really afford all the dresses, shoes and accessories I would love to have. Maybe some day I will be rich and famous and be able to get all the dresses I want. I was thinking about how this guy I liked would ask me why I can't wear dresses all the time, and I wanted to, for him. So after that whole thing went down the drain I thought to myself "can I wear dresses now? won't they just make me think of him all the time and make me wanna cry my heart out?" but then I realized I loved dresses long before I loved him. And I still love dresses. Dress love lasts forever... some relationships do too... but definitely not all... thank heavens!

hahah I love this photo! such a cute kid! I think everyone is superman at heart... and we all have our weaknesses but we can do so much, and we don't even know it.... or sometimes we do know it but we hide it... for some reason. Maybe because we think to ourselves that if we show our awesomeness in public people will get an inferiority complex and not like us anymore... so we would rather be liked than be awesome.... hmm... deep!

I don't exactly know where to go from here... but there is a big wide world out there! I could go anywhere and meet anyone and learn so many new things! I love it! its so exciting!