Sunday, May 22, 2011
With or without faith
Today was a really difficult day. At church the talks seemed to all be centered around eternal families and eternal marriage and then there was a youth/YSA fireside this evening. I left early, just walked out. The reason? well, the topic was once again eternal families and eternal marriage. Its all I want! and being stuck on a guy who has gotten over me and being stuck on an island that has ash spewing from a volcano stopping all incoming and, more importantly, outgoing flights is sort of depressing. I was trying to keep it together and see if I could learn something or feel inspired in some way to have a better attitude towards life. Then a friend of mine commented on how there are so many good examples of eternal companions in the church... he then goes on to name every single couple in my family, my mom and dad, my sister and her husband, my brother and his wife... by which time I couldn't hold it in anymore... so I just walked out crying. I want to be a wife and a mom and I have lived my whole life trying to be worthy to go to the temple, trying to make every decision on my knees praying.... but I have made so many mistakes lately, and I am tired.
The thing is though... I have learned so much. I just wish I could have been wiser and learned from other peoples mistakes rather than my own. But I know that as long as I have faith things will be right. I have experienced life with and without Gods help. And I know that life is hard either way... but it makes all the difference having faith. I am a child of God and He knows about all my needs and desires.