Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A basic need for words

I had the most wonderful talk with someone I care very much about the other day. Remember how I have posted about a hundred times about how I have a hard time talking about things. I finally did it! I finally sat down with my this person and told what's been bothering me. It felt so good just to be able to tell them about things that happened when I was much much younger that have been bothering me again and again, every time something bad happens between me and this person, I think of those things and feel even more hurt than I should have to feel, because I didn't say anything back in the day. Feelings buried alive really do never die... they just keep creeping up like zombies until you do something about it. I feel so much more love for this person now because I know this person loves me and respects my thoughts and feelings.

I want to be able to say what I need to say to my family and friends. I am thankful that I am learning how to do that. I am also realizing that some people don't want to talk about things. They don't want to face the zombies. But I need to feel good and be happy. So I won't put myself in situations where I can get hurt over and over again, where I can't clear the air by saying what I need to say. I don't want to have to bury any more feelings. It does hurt, knowing that some people stand in the way of me being able to be me and be happy. It hurts because I know that I can't keep being their friend. It really doesn't matter how much I love them. It is very important to me to be happy, to feel peaceful, to respect myself and the way some people treat me makes me sad, interrupts my peace and breaks me down so that I have a hard time respecting myself or feeling respected by them/others.

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