Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What if there's no parking?
Today I am in pain. I hope my dream from way back is coming true. I am jealous. I want what they have. I want to have something to add to the conversation... I have nothing to add. If I just had something, anything, I wouldn't feel so left behind. But I just feel like I am missing out on so much.
It makes me miss what I had which I knew wasn't even right. And then I think to myself ...the sooner he leaves the better! I don't want to want him anymore, not that I really want him, I just want to feel like I have some sort of something that resembles what they have in some way, even if its a cheap knockoff. Its just because I am impatient. If I weren't this impatient I would want the real thing and not settle for anything less. But I am starting to feel like all the other cars have a parking spot, and now I just want one, no matter how far away from my destination that parking spot is.
I can feel myself turning into a walking car wreck.
Tomorrow I should spend the day in the library, studying and working on projects, that way I can avoid facing myself, my loneliness and most of all them.