He's just not that into you... even in your dreams!

ugh, life!
I went to the movies the other night, had sort of a "me" night where I decided to do whatever I wanted... I wanted to hang out with Maliana, I wanted to eat out, I wanted to go tanning and I wanted to see "He's just not that into you". I just didn't want what happened after that.
I was feeling totally fine just after we watched the movie, it is the sort of movie where you can take your group of friends and figure out who is most like who in the movie. It was good fun. I turned out to be most like Gigi. Which at the moment made me really happy since she ended up with the guy I would have picked in the movie. It wasnt until I woke up a an hour earlier than I was planning on this morning that I realized that I might very well be Gigi, but I am still freaking single! and I see no end to making an ass of myself for the next millennium or so! life is so unfair!!
I thought I was really happy, and that the last disappointment in my non existent love life had not been such a great disappointment at all! This morning it also dawned on me how much of a dissapointment that was. All at once.
I had a dream that brought all this on, usually I love dreams, but I didnt so much love this one.
I dreamed that I was at a YSA convention and this guy I liked (hypothetically) was not there, I kept waiting for him but somehow fate always put us in different places. Then while getting icecream with some friends after one of the dances I realized he was always like a few paces behind me. I waited for him to catch up but he never did. I had almost decided to let it be and move on with my life, but just then I decided I wanted to take the chance, so I went back to where he was and we hugged, while hugging him I decided I wasnt going to let go until he let go and just then he sort of laughed because it was getting pretty awkward. So we start talking and it was very difficult, then he said "you look really good" and i looked down at myself and saw that I was wearing the ugliest frock I have ever seen! I looked at him and said thank you! then, because I liked him I said "you look good too" and just when I said it I realized he was wearing a guy version of my outfit, and we didn't look good at all! we looked like a pair of farmers, or 80's utah mormons in beige felt! it was gross! and but when I realized we matched it wasnt such a big deal anymore, so I said "hey, we match!" and from then on the conversation just kept being awkward until he said "I have to go" and I was like ohh fine... and I was going to ask him if I could go with him since I didnt want to hang out with my friends anymore, but he was already on the phone and not paying me any attention. After a minute I decided to go after him. He was just around the corner sitting on a bench with some sort of a Bishop character, I asked him if I might have a word with him to which he said "sure" and moved aside a bit so I could sit. ohh by the way, he was all of a sudden wearing a suit and I was still ugly, and mr. Bishop type person wouldnt move. So I was about to say "ok so I like you and I am sorry I am no fun, but you make me nervous and I never know what to say around you anymore, but I promise you, if you can just bare with me until I get over the nervousness I can be fun again!" but just then I woke up to my stupid alarm! set an hour early for one reason or another!
Just as well, I dont like making a fool of myself in real life and although it is a bit more bearable in dreams it still isnt always worth it. I could have slept longer just to hear him say "no, I don't like you, you stink like dog poo, you are made of dog poo and you are ugly!" so I think it was a pretty good place to exit dreamworld and enter reality.
In reality, I realize I miss a couple of guys whos friendships mean a lot to me and at the same time they make me walk on the edge of perfect self controll where I could so easily fall into the vast void that is insanity due to irrational infatuation.
But at the same time, I tell myself I don't care much that I am so single these days since I have a fan, and although I am not interested in him, I appreciate his attention and the flowers he brings me. They make me smile (and yes, I know how Gigi it is of me to say things like "he is a fan of mine" since he has not made a real move at all, is simply friendly and a nice guy).

to be continued.....

Danmark er den Beste! (or something like that)

so much to write about and so little time. I am in Denmark on vacation and it has been great so far and I fully expect it to keep being wonderful! I came here last Wednesday and went to the temple. I was there for about an hour and a half or two hours, not exactly sure, but the amazing thing is, I was the only one doing the work (I mean, there were priesthood holders and a couple of sisters to accompany me, but I was the only one there to do baptisms) and they gave me a billion names and it was awesome! so I was there for a while. I loved it and could have seriously gone on for forever because I knew that was the only chance this trip that I would get to do baptisms and I wanted to get the most of it! and I did. While I was in the Temple I was thinking about how I felt a bit guilty since all these people were there just because I wanted to go to the temple... and that I felt like I was maybe stealing away from their time or something, but then I realized, they are serving there just as much as I am and so it is just as important to them and also, and perhaps most importantly that it was especially for the people we were doing the work for! I was just so happy to be there. Paul came over after I got home from the Temple, hung out a bit with Kristina and I.... I love Paul!! he is such a cool guy!

Added to my list of things I want in a man:

-loves to go to the Temple

On Thursday I hung out and did random stuff and then got some dinner with Kristina, Adam and Jared. I didn't know Adam and Jared were gonna be there so when I heard about that I had to make time to see them and hang out a bit. So we ate and then I took the last train to Esbjerg to stay at Julies place for a bit (Julie shall from hereonout be called Júlía) Cuz I got there so late we just sat and talked late late and then went to bed, and I slept for forever! and then just hung out watching movies cuz I knew that if I dared leave the house without a guide I would get lost! Then Júlía came home and a couple of her friends came too, we had girls night since it was Friday the 13th, ate ribs, watched a scary movie and Twilight. It was a good night. On Saturday we went to the Zoo in Odense and then to Júlías moms place and had Valentines dinner and watched more movies. At the zoo I had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to draw the animals but I didnt bring my sketch book and pensils or anything. On Sunday we went to Church and then to Julies Dads place and all her siblings came over for dinner, it was lots of fun and I was glad to get to know the two youngest later that night after everyone elsa had left, they are so wonderful and fun to talk to!
Sunday night Júlía and I talked all night about everything! It is so good to have friends like her who totally understand you and you can trust them 100% with anything! Hahah I warned Júlía I was going to write the story about our walk on my blog. We went out for a walk Sunday night and it was pretty foggy and so you couldnt see much, so I took mental notes on our walk of roundabouts, pathways, houses and signs so that we could make our way back home. When we had gone pretty far we decided to head back and Júlía suggested that we take another route home and so we took a right and hoped that the road would take us home. It didnt, instead it took us in a cyrkle back to the road we were on before, I am not sure Júlía realized we were back on the original road, cuz she wanted to take a right again, that is when I stepped in and told her we were going the wrong way and should go to the left. She said no, right. So we went right for a bit until we came to a pace I had taken a mental note of before and I said "enough! I am going back because we should have turned left before" she was still certain we were going the right way, and I asked her why she thought that was the way home and she told me her "inner compas" told her it was the right way! (by this time we were headed back the way I wanted to go, the opposite direction to where Júlía wanted to go) anyways, we got home, my way... and I laughed A LOT!! hahah Júlías inner compas is out or order! such a girl!! :D
Monday I went back to Copenhagen and to FHE with my lovely future sis-in-law Kristine and with my favorite new friend Louise. Today I went to the Zoo by myself and sketched animals all day. I got home an hour and a half ago and I am still a bit cold. It was worth it though. A monkey wanted to see my drawings, I showed them to him. Ohh yeah, that is one thing I realized since I have been here, Danish Animals seem to like me a lot... cats, dogs, horses, and monkeys... ohh and even the Polar bear. How ironic, that the polar bear should like the Icelander. Maybe its because I didn't have a gun. Also, Danish guys like me, and babies like me...if they are around me that is... It is the Unnur effect, as Júlía calls it... it only works if I am there in person.... anyways, Danish guys, babies and animals like me and I like them!

getting old? going crazy? maybe...

So I have this twitch in my eye that is driving me crazy! usually I only get twitches when I am super busy and worried. I think it may be time for a relaxing vacation! good thing it is coming up in only a week and two days! I feel as if I am falling appart. I think it is just because I got some good news the other day and now I feel like I need to hurry up and prepare for this and that and get my life in order and plan ahead and all these things going through my head at the same time making my heartbeat crazy, my eye twitch and my hair go prematurely grey. I feel old today.
I tried to breathe deap and relax while singing a hymn in my head earlier to calm down and make the twitching go away, but found myself rushing through the hymn to calm down faster... it really doesnt work!
I can't wait to be home with my guitar, singing and playing and relaxing and not thinking about the future or the past or anything really. I could use some non-brain using time! singing and playing the guitar always makes me feel better!
wow, just thinking about it made my twitching stop :D

Also, I miss having superhero dreams. I had one this morning, finally! lately my dreams have been boring, it makes sleeping not as much fun!