Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The other me...

I have been having a hard time. But my mom helps me a lot. She is the loveliest of beings and brings me oils to rub on my feet when she finds me crying in my room. .... That was really personal.... ohh well.
I guess since I am already sharing personal things in a public place like this I can safely continue to do so.
Mom came to visit me the other day and we talked about how important it is to acknowledge feelings/emotions. I used to always just realize that I felt either good or bad... but never realized how important it is to figure out exactly what it is I am feeling and why. So the next day while sitting on the bus and feeling that heaviness come over me I decided to try this. Usually I would have just sat there feeling bad and trying to bury or ignore my feelings and fill my head with music to take my mind off of the feeling I was feeling. But instead I asked myself: "what are you feeling?" and I answered: " I am feeling scared, and hurt". I was sort of surprised to realize I was scared and that I was willing to admit it. I then asked myself "why are you scared and hurt?" and my reply was "because I don't know if he likes me anymore, and it scares me. I don't know what do do next. I feel stuck". I wanted to know if there was something I could do, so I asked myself: "could you talk to him about it? see what's going on on his side of the line?" and I immediately answered "I don't think so, it also scares me to talk to him about things that matter to me, because I feel like he doesn't care about the things that matter to me, and won't respect my feelings. I don't trust him to respect my feelings." ...."So what will you do then? I mean, what can you do so that you can feel better?" I asked. After a short pause I answered: "I can trust in God. I can trust that He wants me to be happy and respects my feelings" ...I felt better after that.
If you are wondering what's up with all the self talk just google Lev Vygotsky.


Nancy said...

OH Unifer, I am so so sorry! I love love the self talk business. Sometimes I am all pent up and upset and I really do have to stop and analyze and say, "NOw what is this about." But I haven't continues questioning myself on what I will do about it. Good idea.

As for being sorry, I have so much forgotten what it is to be in one of those stages of pain and heartache over a relationship. And all I remember is that it is utterly awful. It is so hard to give any sound advice either because assuring someone that it will all be OK and that they will be fine is true, but isn't really that comforting when that often insinuates that you will be fine someday when a person you care tons about is no longer in your life. Even when they are causing you pain, sometimes the thought of moving on and being fine with out them feels like the death of a loved one.

However, don't let yourself feel too hopeless. Maybe maybe you do need to let something go and move on (and I don't know your situation so that might not be even true), but even if it is, it doesn't mean you have to feel miserable and final. I think it is OK to have hope that something might be a possibility someday. YOu know, both myself and two of my sisters ended up marrying people that we broke up with and had re-enter our life again later, under much more perfect circumstances. In my case it was a matter of months, but with my sisters, and with a niece, it was actually a matter of several years. And, if it isn't to be, then it will be OK too because in the meantime your heart will have mended.

Anyway, I know all of that only sounds trite when you are actually the one dealing with it. I am glad you have such a good mom. I am so scared that I won't know how to comfort my kids when they deal with heart break someday.

Nancy said...

And goodness! Look how long my comment was! It was practically as long as your whole blog post! YOu must stop writing posts that make me want to ramble on and on about them :) YIpes.

Unifer said...

hahah Nancy I love your ramblings :D they make me smile and have extra hope!! and if you comfort the kids in a similar way you are comforting me right now, I am sure they will always always always be thankful! Your comment means a lot to me :) thank you!!