I have been having a hard time. But my mom helps me a lot. She is the loveliest of beings and brings me oils to rub on my feet when she finds me crying in my room. .... That was really personal.... ohh well.
I guess since I am already sharing personal things in a public place like this I can safely continue to do so.
Mom came to visit me the other day and we talked about how important it is to acknowledge feelings/emotions. I used to always just realize that I felt either good or bad... but never realized how important it is to figure out exactly what it is I am feeling and why. So the next day while sitting on the bus and feeling that heaviness come over me I decided to try this. Usually I would have just sat there feeling bad and trying to bury or ignore my feelings and fill my head with music to take my mind off of the feeling I was feeling. But instead I asked myself: "what are you feeling?" and I answered: " I am feeling scared, and hurt". I was sort of surprised to realize I was scared and that I was willing to admit it. I then asked myself "why are you scared and hurt?" and my reply was "because I don't know if he likes me anymore, and it scares me. I don't know what do do next. I feel stuck". I wanted to know if there was something I could do, so I asked myself: "could you talk to him about it? see what's going on on his side of the line?" and I immediately answered "I don't think so, it also scares me to talk to him about things that matter to me, because I feel like he doesn't care about the things that matter to me, and won't respect my feelings. I don't trust him to respect my feelings." ...."So what will you do then? I mean, what can you do so that you can feel better?" I asked. After a short pause I answered: "I can trust in God. I can trust that He wants me to be happy and respects my feelings" ...I felt better after that.
If you are wondering what's up with all the self talk just google Lev Vygotsky.