Its been a week now, and it still hurts. I sort of hate that I gave it another chance because I was doing fine at the time. I was over it and happy with life. I am still happy with life and hopeful (not just hopeful for the future but also for today and for every moment). But now I am not over it anymore. It wont let go, and I keep praying and wanting to let go of these feelings, but they are still there.
I am at the point right now where it really doesn't matter if I still have these feelings, I couldn't give it another go because there is no trust. And since there is no trust, I can't see how there can even be friendship. It has sort of all gone bad. Maybe that is the reason I can't let go. Because before, I was just letting go of the fondness, but not the friendship. Now I am letting go of all of it, because the friendship seems to always get me back here, where I don't want to be anymore.
I will give it a go with someone else.
I am willing to trust and fall back in love... with someone else.
I just have to let go of the past... again... and that still hurts.
It sort of has to be a choice though doesn't it. Because heartbreak happens at all ages, and so does betrayal and cheating and all that bad stuff you hope you never have to go through in your life, but you see happening all around. So I am choosing to chose well and hoping that I can be as happy with someone else as I am by myself. I don't need someone else, but I want someone else, because it is such a wonderful experience: to be in love, to be loved, to give love and receive love.
The hurt may hurt a lot, but while its good, it's so worth it. And that is why I chose to do it again, but next time, it will be with someone else. And next time, it will hopefully last longer and be better.
I gave all I could give, and I'll do it again, and hopefully get all he can give in return.
I am sort of excited to see who he will be.