Sometimes I wonder if its me or these guys that are all wrong. I have spent too much time and heart power on a rock star who repeatedly breaks my heart. And yet, every time he pulls me in again I decide I have somehow become a slightly different person since last time and am better equipped to make it work, to encourage him to be a better persona and treat me well.... and things may change to the better in some ways with time, but I still end up alone and with my heart broken. I am realizing continuing with this is not worth a cup of tea or any more of my time or effort.
At work, during night shift, I have been watching Gossip Girl and I find myself getting more and more attracted to Chuck Bass... I worry that I may have dangerously-attracted-to-the-bad-boy syndrome, hopefully not at an advanced stage. What is it about bad boys anyways? I don't think most of the "bad boys" I know would confess to being bad boys. They have goodness in them, some of them even have a lot of it, and I think that is what attracts me to them. That they are just misunderstood or have a hard time showing their emotions or whatever. And for some reason I think I might be the girl to change that.
I can only change myself, and I don't like the changes I make to myself to try to make things work with these guys.
.... I am thankful for men.
I was going to end the post there, but then I saw a photo of the word "trust" and I thought "maybe thats the secret ingredient". I could never trust the rock star. I have never really trusted guys. I am not ever sure I completely trust myself. I need to at least trust myself. Sometimes I even forget to trust God. How impossible is that!
So the plan is this.... Remember to always trust God (which is easy to do when I remember He is there, always has been, always will be). Trust myself, and live up to that trust (don't do anything against my better judgement or my conscience) and learn to trust others and choose to surround myself with people I know I can trust.