Monday, February 13, 2012

Goodbyes and new beginnings

I take it back. Plans are.... can be... good. I watched Grey's Anatomy later that day, and the theme was "plans". Coincidence? I think not. Also, todays Once Upon a Time theme was Beauty and the Beast. It's like God is trying to talk to me through TV shows... maybe I should spend more time reading the scriptures or something so that God doesn't have to use TV and Movies to answer my prayers... it just feels a bit too far away from where I want to be spiritually.

Remember how I said I was throwing out my plans for the rest of the day last time I posted, but I was going to have fun! well I did. It was one of the best and worst nights of my life. I am not going to explain that any further. I felt safe, loved and wanted, and that is all that matters.

I don't know what happens next. It's very uncomfortable. I said goodbye and that hurts. It hurts so much!
So I got some chocolate and got out of bed even though I didn't want to.
I bought myself something nice and plan on wearing it tonight when I leave the house against my will according to my better judgement and for my own good.

I should have told him.
But now it's done.             It's finally done.
I don't have to wonder anymore, I don't have to wait anymore, I don't have to give in again and again anymore, I don't have to hurt, I don't have to do anything.
I will cry a little bit, and miss the good things.
But then I will be fine. There will be space and I will find what I have been looking for all along. We will all be fine. More than fine, we will be wonderful and blessed.

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