Monday, March 5, 2012

The ability to change

My friend Kristjana commented on a post the other day and said "thank you for writing what I feel like so many ppl don't have the courage to". There are some things I have not had the courage to write about, but I feel like I should. If not for someone else, then for me. 
I woke up early to write my paper and was just taking a break and putting some things away, getting rid of the clutter in my room. Cleaning out your space feels so good. Sometimes I feel like I need to clean out the space of my soul.

So that is what I am doing. 
I chose to not listen to God and it has brought me nothing but pain. I remember when I would serve without hesitation. I would feel my father in heaven guide me in all things. Now I struggle and I know it is because I made choices that were not right, and I justified them. 
Wickedness never was happiness (Alma 41:3). It may seem like happiness, but there is a difference between what pleases our bodies and what brings true and lasting happiness. I regret all of it and I wish I would have been stronger. I do not blame anyone else for my actions and my choices. I wish I could go back and stay true to what the holy Spirit whispered to me. I knew my own worth, and I made myself feel worthless by my actions. I want nothing more than to feel like I am worthy again, to feel true and lasting happiness because I know who I am. I am a daughter of God, and it is up to me to choose accordingly. The Lord is always by our side, but it up to us not to leave Him.
When you go against your better judgement it can only bring you pain. Going against the will of God distances you from the powers of heaven and the guidance of the holy ghost that is so necessary for us to have with us.
I hope and pray that I can stay true to my faith always, and strong enough to resist temptation in all forms. I know I won't be perfect, but I can be better. 
If you are tempted to do something that is not according to Gods will, resist with all you have in you. If you are doing something that is not according to Gods will, stop it. If you have done something that is not according to Gods will, repent. 
Wickedness never was happiness and justifying wickedness is the grease on the slide to hell. 

There is so much more happiness in doing what is right, as hard as it is sometimes. There is comfort in knowing you did what was right and God is on your side. I changed into a person I don't like. I am thankful for the ability to change back and be a daughter of God.

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