I make myself laugh!

via we heart it

I love the moments when I am alone, and no one is around (the meaning of being alone= no one is around. Just so we are clear on that) and I do something I find funny... and then I just stand there laughing.... by myself.
I am pretty sure I am not the only one who does that. Right?

I read this article by a woman who is considered over weight by society. She was writing about her health and the fact that she is perfectly healthy, then she went on to talk about peoples perception of her and how they automatically think she must be sad, depressed or something terrible like that. Then she explains how the only time she has ever been depressed in her life was when she had lost 40 pounds because she starved herself and ate diet pills to try to fit in and look like the media and society wants her to look like. She is happy.

I have lost 40 pounds and I must admit, I still have sad days and my life is still out of whack sometimes, but I am happy to, among other things, be able to play sports without dying and go swimming without feeling like everyone is staring at my big but.. or at least now I am pretty sure they look at my big but because its very likable...to some... I think :) but I still feel self conscious sometimes. I still feel not skinny enough sometimes. So the article was a great reminder that the most important thing is to life a healthy life style, not what size clothes you wear. I remember when I was bigger and I ate whatever I wanted, I wasn't healthy at all, but man was I happy!! until I couldn't fit any of my clothes. I should be able to be happy like that now! I don't need food to make me happy. I don't need to be a size 0 to be happy.
I can live a happy and healthy life just the way I am. YAY!!

Also, I can't wait to see The Hunger Games!! oooo check out the trailer!!

Changing the story

via we heart it

A couple of days ago I blogged about the movies in my head. I think things are going to turn out way different from anything I could have expected or imagined. I don't really want to say anything more because I don't want to jinx it!

What if no one gets hurt, and the story has been good all along, and will continue to be good, no matter what. Is that just me being too optimistic. I don't think so.

There was the joke I saw on Facebook it went something like this:

Dear optimist, realist and pessimist, while you were all arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely
The Opportunist

I think the pessimist was depressed to begin with, so his state won't change much upon realizing the glass is now completely empty, he probably expected it anyways, and is now waiting for the glass to break. The realist is probably a little disappointed, or still just fine because... it is what it is... and you just go with it. The opportunist is probably going to lead a lonely life, taking whatever he can and never giving anything, unless you gain more in return. There is no real love or connection or charity in that. Its a lonely way to live.
The Optimist... that's me.... will, however, continue to be happy, because now that the glass is empty you can fill it with lemonade, made with the lemons life gave you, and share it with your friends :)

I am in love with life.
and I am planing on making that love last forever! (yes, even the bad, sad, annoying parts, I love it all! it's what makes life worth living, all of it together).

The ability to change

Via this place

My friend Kristjana commented on a post the other day and said "thank you for writing what I feel like so many ppl don't have the courage to". There are some things I have not had the courage to write about, but I feel like I should. If not for someone else, then for me. 
I woke up early to write my paper and was just taking a break and putting some things away, getting rid of the clutter in my room. Cleaning out your space feels so good. Sometimes I feel like I need to clean out the space of my soul.


So that is what I am doing. 
I chose to not listen to God and it has brought me nothing but pain. I remember when I would serve without hesitation. I would feel my father in heaven guide me in all things. Now I struggle and I know it is because I made choices that were not right, and I justified them. 
Wickedness never was happiness (Alma 41:3). It may seem like happiness, but there is a difference between what pleases our bodies and what brings true and lasting happiness. I regret all of it and I wish I would have been stronger. I do not blame anyone else for my actions and my choices. I wish I could go back and stay true to what the holy Spirit whispered to me. I knew my own worth, and I made myself feel worthless by my actions. I want nothing more than to feel like I am worthy again, to feel true and lasting happiness because I know who I am. I am a daughter of God, and it is up to me to choose accordingly. The Lord is always by our side, but it up to us not to leave Him.
When you go against your better judgement it can only bring you pain. Going against the will of God distances you from the powers of heaven and the guidance of the holy ghost that is so necessary for us to have with us.
I hope and pray that I can stay true to my faith always, and strong enough to resist temptation in all forms. I know I won't be perfect, but I can be better. 
If you are tempted to do something that is not according to Gods will, resist with all you have in you. If you are doing something that is not according to Gods will, stop it. If you have done something that is not according to Gods will, repent. 
Wickedness never was happiness and justifying wickedness is the grease on the slide to hell. 


There is so much more happiness in doing what is right, as hard as it is sometimes. There is comfort in knowing you did what was right and God is on your side. I changed into a person I don't like. I am thankful for the ability to change back and be a daughter of God.

All the movies in my head

via we heart it

There are some nice things I don't want to forget. Things that were said, and written, that made me smile. Things that made my heart feel full.
I erased them sooner than I thought I would. Its not that I wanted to forget them, or that I was mad, or even that I was ready to move on, but I needed to move on, and in a way I wanted to move on. I don't want to be left behind.

Sometimes I picture my life as a movie, today it was an era movie (please listen to this song as you read the following).

I was a Jane Austen character. Sad, and lonely, sort of like Catherine in Northanger Abbey after she came back home from Bath and life seemed to be as good as over for her. The man she loved was somewhere else, and she was just terribly lonely and full of regret. But in my case the regret is different....well... maybe not. I was silly and stupid in a lot of ways, not the same ways as Catherine, but silly and stupid nonetheless. I saw the movie continuing with my character befriending a nice young man, someone my character wouldn't initially fall in love with, due to her lack of ability to let go of the past. One day after a long time spent hoping the love of her life would return, he finally does.

My character is so excited, thinking that he finally came to his senses and has realized he has missed her and loved her all this time and experiencing the world without her is pointless. However, to my characters dismay she sees upon greeting him that he is not alone. He brought with him a woman he fell in love with. An exotic looking woman, someone so very different from my character.

My character spends the next days and weeks trying to piece back together her broken heart. Her purely platonic friend is there by her side through it all, and somehow she realizes he has always treater her like a queen. Something the other dude never really did. She falls madly in love with the friend and hopes it is not too late, and wonders how she could have been so stupid, to not see how much he loved her from the very beginning and all the while she was waiting for someone she didn't even want to spend the rest of her life with in the first place.

They get married and have 15 kids and nice cottage with a hundred different flowers in the backyard and a german shepherd. While the other guy gets an STD and loses all his money gambling.... just kidding. He marries the exotic looking woman and lives happily ever after too!!

And just so we are clear on this, I am not in love, the similarities between this story and my real life are only coincidence... or an inspiration for my already over active imagination. I guess I am like Catherine in a lot of ways. I make up silly stories in my head. They keep me entertained during slow and seemingly eventless moments.

I wanted to tell you... nothing

Via we heart it

Lately, I have been feeling so inspired to blog. Especially early in the morning, when I wake up for no good reason and should still be sleeping or late late at night when I am just about to fall asleep. So the other day I decided to write down my thoughts in my journal and then blog about them later. Now that I read what I wrote, it's really nothing worth sharing.
Don't you love it when that happens. You write something down because at that moment it is life changing and super important and you just cannot afford to forget it. But then when you get around to reading it later on, its just scribbles on a piece of paper.
I did however find a blog post by someone else I want to share!
My friend Kristjana Lara has the most interesting blog posts. Click her name to read the post :)
Lately I have written a few posts about change, and how much I dislike it. I have come to realize that the reason I dislike change is most likely because I need it! because I have gotten too comfortable in my little comfort zone and it is time to leave it behind and find that place where all the magic happens.
These days I am happy with the changes that were made. They have pushed me to make an effort to have a better life, and I feel happy in the pursuit of that life. Now I sort of feel like I just spent the last two years being content with the mediocre, all the while knowing I wanted more, but not reaching for it because I felt comfortable with what I had, the pattern I was stuck in, the life I had.
No one deserves to be someone else's mediocre. I want to be someones dream come true, someones number one girl and I want that someone to be my man, my big oak in the storm (if you don't understand where I am going, check out Tony Robbins where he talks about relationships and polarity, google is your friend).
I am happy to start my life and stop holding onto my past for comfort.