I'm smart, thats why I wear glasses

I love statistics, and my statistics professors/teachers/instructors are so funny... who would have thought stats could be so lively! I went to class today, it was one of those finals prep classes where we just went over what was taught this semester. I laughed so much. I just wanted to hug my professor... in a non "you are so hot" way... he is just so cute, like a little kid, and he says the darndest things! so funny!
Comment of the day: "so according to this, women tend to be more communist"




More info for today: It was sunny today. I think my fruit may have been more tasty due to the sunshine. Everyone smelled extra good today. I was totally co-dependent and stupid for the better part of the day. I met some amazingly lovely people (you know who you are my darling friends :D) and took no naps at all... I miss my afternoon naps!

Added later: ok so I just had to add this one thing that happened in stats :D haha I am totally in love with statistics... and being a nerd! so the professor started the class by talking about the assignment we turned in toward the end of the semester. She started by explaining that the grades we got were already on the university website (I had already checked my grade) and if we wanted to see our assignments and the comments from the TA we could check it out at the humanities office, and then she told us what the mean for the assignment was.... and then the highest score, the lowest score, the mode, the median and standard deviation by which time everyone started laughing. I mean, it was pretty funny since we usually just get info from our teachers about the lowest and highest score and the mean. I was sitting there listening to the numbers and seeing the normal curve in my head to try to figure out where I was in comparison to the rest of the people in our class. I did pretty well! but the funny thing is... I understood what she was talking about and I loved it!
Yes, I do realize that this addition to my blog post may well be the most nerdy thing I have ever written in my life... ohh well.

A day of learning

Today I learned more about statistics. I must admit, I love statistics. I don't understand statistics, but I love statistics all the same. Its sort of like men, I love men. I don't understand men, but I love them all the same.
I learned about disabled or impaired children and their learning abilities. Apparently children who are born deaf to hearing parents have more difficulties learning than deaf children of deaf parents do. Deaf infants who have deaf parents sometimes babble, much like infants who are not deaf babble, only they do it in sign language. I think I would like to learn sign language, in case I have a deaf child some day.
I learned how to write poetry according to Icelandic poetry rules. I should thank my friend for that, since he was studying for his finals in Icelandic language and I was lucky enough to learn a thing or two about poetry from the sidelines.
So, here is an Icelandic poem for you, written in jibberish. I can't be bothered writing a poem with real words... but mind you, I am totally following all the poetry rules!

Slunginn gengur slingir fram
slófar ingir ringur
Kingir ungur kikkar pram
kennir hennar fingur




Lastly, I learned to control my fear. Good thing to learn!

A moment can't usually last any longer than a moment

Its a new day and I can write about whatever I want to write about. I have been looking forward to this moment since yesterday! ... just kidding... but... sort of not though.
Moving on... So, I still dream about being loved, it makes waking up difficult to do, and exciting at the same time, because dreams have come true before, and whatever has happened once can always happen again.
The other morning I woke up and felt perfectly happy and perfectly sad at the same time. It had to do with the exact same event that happened just then. It made me happy in the moment, and sad that that moment was over before i knew it. I love those moments you wish could last forever. I miss those moments. The moments when you wish there was no last bus to take you away, no clock and no understanding of time and space. I want more of those moments. Its sort of funny though... I don't really want those exact moments back... because I have already experienced them. I want new moments that make me feel like that. Being human is so .... insanely good! I love being alive, and knowing I have been through so much pain and so much happiness and being excited about the pain and the happiness to come... yes, I am ok with pain, it is like the shadows in photo where the sun is shining.... a photo without any shadows is flat and boring. I want depth.





I was thinking about the possibilities, what I could do with my life, and it's all so exciting.
Songs of the day:
Animal Arithmetic - Jónsi (actually his whole freaking CD is awesome!! its called Go and I recommend giving it a listen)
Anthem - Gabriel Yared
Le Matin - Yann Tiersen

Self discovery

Am I in love with the person or the feeling? I had never thought about that before. Sometimes I think I get lost in the feeling and forget to see the person the feeling is supposed to be connected to.
I am studying for my 'human growth and development' final and just read a chapter called Identity and Intimacy.
This chapter I just read talks about how important it is to have identity before having intimacy, it makes intimacy more lasting if you know who you are brining into the relationship - if you know yourself.






I don't think I have been really sure about who I am until now. I think I have sort of always based my opinion of who I am on what other people think of me. I have sort of been like the ocean, moving back and forth based on the gravitational pull of the moon and the sun and whatever.... I don't really know how it all works.
Lately I've been discovering who I am, and I like it, I am totally in love with myself. I wanted to be perfect for everyone, but turns out I am unbelievably imperfect, and I love it! its so much more fun!!

Family Folk Lore

My Oma (Oma means grandmother in German) was born in 1921 in Germany. She lived there until after WWII and then fled from east Germany to Iceland with her three children. In Iceland she married my grandfather, a fisherman who had a beard Santa would be jealous of!
Anyways, no one knows who my Oma's dad was. It is something that everyone in our family wants to know more about but there is really not a lot we can do except make up stories about what might have happened. It has turned into quite the novel! Oma had the exact same name as her mother. She was raised by her grandparents, as their daughter, while her mom (my great grandmother) fled to Denmark, and then later Iceland. Her birth certificate looks as though it may have been altered or forged because she has almost the same birth date as her mother (except for the year). It's like her mother tried to make it look like they were the same person.

From what I gather this is a photo of my great grandmother. She looks much like the rest of that side of the family.



And here is my grandmother, my Oma.




When I was younger I would hear stories (family folk lore) about how Oma's dad may have been a Jew. It makes sense since Hitler was getting pretty popular around the time Oma was born, and with the whole being raised by her grandparents as their daughter thing. But I would look at photos of Jews and no offense but my Oma's nose is not Jewish... and she didn't get her nose from her mother either. So I was never convinced. I mean, it might be true, but I don't think so.

Last fall I was looking at some photos a friend posted on facebook from her Korea trip when I saw a photo of an older woman and thought to myself "wow, she looks like Oma" and then all of a sudden I was like.... holy snickerdoodles! what if my Oma was part Asian? So I decided to see if that could be a possibility. So I dug up some old photos of Oma, and googled some half Asian photos on the internet and did some history research. Turns out the second largest group of immigrants in Germany in 1920 were from China (google it) and they were mostly University students, the same age as my great grandmother when she got pregnant (if I am wrong please correct me and you are welcome to send me info and sources for info if you would like, it would be much appreciated!).

Then I started gathering little facts that made this new story about my Oma's origins more.... believable.... I guess.
1. Our family LOVES sushi!
2. Mom had surgery on her eyes a couple of years ago (don't tell her I told you about this) and it turns out the kind of surgery she had is among the more popular kinds of plastic surgery in Asia, to make the eyes look more western or something.
3. Oma had black hair and brown eyes while the rest of the family had lighter hair and blue eyes.
4. Oma was short, very short!
5. when I put my face in one of those face thingies on the internet that tells you which celebrities you look most like, they always tell me I look like a bunch of Asian famous people I don't know...
6. We are very much into technology, alternative medicine and rice

ok, yeah, most of that stuff is just fluff. But its a fun thought, being part Asian. This would mean I am the same amount Asian (don't know which country in Asia though) as I am German and Danish.... I don't know if there is any room left to be Icelandic.... ohh well.

This is a photo of me and my Oma, I miss her!

Letters from easter break

Dear center of the world,
I continue to have problems saying what I mean.... sometimes I have so many conversations with you in my head that I forget I haven't actually said anything to you in real life. But then when I remember that I haven't said anything and I want to say something I forget what to say. All of a sudden all the words that sounded so good in my head just disappear, like the sun behind a dark cloud. And so, after you have left I sit there wondering why I always seem to end up getting hurt. I have given you everything I have to give. But you don't know it because I could never find the words to tell you and you don't have eyes to see.
I gave you my time, but you were too busy.
I gave you my tears, but you like your water fresh and salt free.
I gave you my heart, but your hands were already full.
I never asked you for anything back. But I hoped and wished and prayed for you to mean it when you looked at me like you wanted me, when you kissed me like I was your first, when you held me like I was your last, when you said you liked me.
I hoped and wished and prayed that you would understand that when I said I liked you too, I really meant I love you.
I hope and wish and pray. And even though you and me are just a memory those three little words are still pushing their way to the surface.... and it hurts.

Yours sincerely,
the short chubby girl



Dear God
I have no control. I used to think I could control it all. I used to think I could somehow make it go my way. I have come to realize that you are God, and not I. You are in control. So please take control of my life. I have been so difficult lately. I ask for something in my prayers before I go to bed, then in the morning when I pray before starting my day I ask for something totally different. I can't seem to make up my mind. I guess I just want to be happy but my idea of what makes me happy changes like every five minutes! It's making me seasick! So please take control. I hope that from now on I will have the self control and humility to pray for thy will to be done and then just let go and see how my prayers are answered according to Thy will... and not mine.

With reverence,
your daughter (the one who is sometimes selfish and mean to others but wants to be loving and kind and happy enough to bring happiness to others)




Dear fly in the window,
I am sorry I squashed you to death with my school books on the window sill.

With deep regret,
the University student


The following photos are from our easter vacation. My family went to a summer house in the south of Iceland. This is in a town called Kirkjubæjarklaustur (yeah, have fun with that one!) and my brother, my nieces and I decided to play on the swings.






p.s. I wish I had photoshop.... and iPhoto sucks!

falling in love is easy to do...

Sometimes words are not enough to express feelings of love... or other feeling, good or bad. Thats when music and art come in handy. Sometimes I see a photo or hear a song that just makes my insides go "THATS HOW I FEEL!"
Here is how I feel now....








This last one is not exactly how I feel... I just like it and thought it was cute :D

I am not the best with words, at least when they have to come out through my mouth. Writing is better. Singing is also better. Talking is a work in process. I have this friend who would ask me what's going on in my head and I wouldn't be able to answer sometimes, so he would just wait.... I really liked that! it made me feel like how I felt and what I wanted to say, although I couldn't find the words right away, was important. Like I was important. Its sometimes nice to be important. Its also nice knowing I am important and I don't have to do anything at all to be important. My mother gave me the gift of being important when she gave birth to me..... thats what I think.

Easters. What a wonderful time!

I cant blog about what I want to blog about because it has to do with a secret and I don't know if the person who this secret is being kept from reads this blog. If you think you might be that person, don't worry... you are not!
Anyways, I found these pictures of hand painted easter eggs. I love them! some of them are Ukranian style I think... from what I gather they are the ones with the detailed patterns. I might be wrong though, but they made me wanna go to the Ukraine!





Also, my room is a mess! I need to tidy it up and do laundry tomorrow. Also also, I have to start studying for finals..... suck!

An Awards Time

teeheehee I just got an award! its my favorite :D Thanx lots & lots to janelikewhoa :D

Rules Of The Award:
- List 10 facts about yourself
- Tag 10 other bloggers
- Tell them about the award

10 facts about me:
1) I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints
2) I suck at playing the guitar, but I play it anyways
3) I love to sing
4) Two years ago I was 20kg heavier than I am today
5) I used to think I would go crazy some day because I wanted to be an artist
6) I can't make up my mind about wether I hate or love animals (cats and dogs type animals)
7) I have a plant, I call it Chuck Norris... because only chuck norris could last for more than a year under my supervision
8) Love and charity are my favorite thing in the world! :D (writing that almost made me throw up, so mushy and cute! but so true!)
9) I love bollywood music, as well as all sorts of other interesting sounds
10) I don't like watching TV or listening to the radio... I am more of a "pick it myself" kinda gal

10 people tagged by me:
Maliana, Melanie, Dust-Speak:, A Few of My Favorite Things, Reeves, Linda, vengeanceandfury, brianandrachelglenn, meleofa and Siggisiggibangbang.

tanks yall! (that means thank you all!)

Sometimes doing homework leads to other things...

Aren't they beautiful! I don't know if its just because I am Asian but I love love love lanterns!! ... ohh and for those of you who don't know... I don't actually know if I am Asian... I'll blog all about it later :)
Anyways, I woke up and decided since classes are finished and I just have to turn in a couple of tiny assignments and then take my finals after easter I should probably get working on my assignments. So today is PJ Friday! woohoo!
PJ Friday goes something like this: wake up, eat whatever I want to eat (oatmeal, fruit and chocolate covered nuts) jump back into bed with my laptop and school book, listen to music if it pleases me, take long breaks in-between studying sessions where I blog, play my guitar and sing, draw, paint, do whatever I want... and enjoy life! I love Fridays, I love lanterns, I love blogs, I love PJ's, I love school, I love life and I would love a cuddle buddy for tonight whilst watching a fluff-flick.
The End

life is good again and forevermore...

life is so beautiful. the world is so beautiful. I hope this feeling lasts forever. I am doing my best to let it last forever. Its like being in love... and I love it. I am looking forward to the possibilities.... New York and the beaches of California... working in India or Uganda... holding my chinese adopted baby girl... eating food I have never tried before... having another first kiss... walking down the isle... buying new shoes and hoping they will never get ruined or go out of style... smiling at the sun... painting a masterpiece... singing at the grand ole opry... having that country house with the big white rooms and beautiful furniture with flower prints and a cushion window seat... climbing trees with my son... complimenting my husband from the bottom of my heart... sailing... picking flowers for a garden party with my family... moving into our first appartment... working hard and loving it; working for my family, on our marriage, on the house, at my job...all the lovely things.