Dance to the beat of your own drum

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I was reminded why I don't watch Icelandic TV a moment ago. I live in such a small country with such small people. Sometimes I forget about that when I am in my room and all I have are my 8 walls (yeah, I have 8 walls in my room, two windows on one wall and three doors on three walls... makes you wonder what my room looks like doesn't it) or when I take the bus and I convince myself that there is a big ol world out there full of people. But Iceland is not full of people and Icelandic TV/TV shows make that so uncomfortably obvious.

I love watching So You Think You Can Dance. It's one of my favorite shows to watch! I love dancing, even though I suck at it, and I love watching people who are good at it dance. So watching SYTYCD is a joy. Now we have this new show on TV here in Iceland called Dance Dance Dance. Its a SYTYCD knock off and a total disaster. First off, the name is just so... blah... boring. It reeks of pretense and wannabe big city-ness. The dancers are actually very good. But then there are the judges. Two women... I have no idea who they are. They may be famous in Iceland, but thats like being an ant trying to get some attention at the zoo! and then the third judge is this guy who used to be on the Saturday morning children's program when I was little. He is the Simon figure I guess... such a fail! The worst part though is the number of people in the audience. You can actually hear echoes when they cheer. The whole thing makes me wanna puke!

Don't get me wrong though. I love Iceland, the country and the people. But we are small and I think we should own up to it and stop pretending to be a smaller, more elite version of NYC and LA. The Vikings were our ancestors for crying out loud! and now here we are, trying to be big and cool like America. We can never be America, and we shouldn't want to be America. We are Iceland. We don't need any help being cool.

Rock star memories, Part II

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Thing is, one day, he is going to find someone who makes everyone else glued to his body just feel wrong. He is going to find someone he can't wait to come home to after a tour. He is going to flirt only with her, and treat her like a queen, and want her by his side, always!

It won't be me.

That's ok though, because I want someone who will want me and treat me like a queen. Someone I can love with all my heart and have my love returned.

I want all that, more than I want my rock star friend.

Things will be fantastic.

Things are fantastic.

Rock star memories

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A long long time ago I sang in a pub with my friend the rock star. I loved him then, and still love him in a way. Right in front of us was this girl. She was beautiful. Long blond wavy hair and deep sparkly eyes. She looked like the kind of person I'd be friends with. But she loved him too. I had seen her at a lot of his gigs, the way she looked at him from a distance and glued her body to him when they were close. I was jealous of her the first time I saw them together. But I thought she didn't really like him at first, I thought she was just a drunk floosy. But then she was there again at his next gig, a little less drunk and a little more sparkly eyed. It didn't hit me until that gig he asked me to help him out with though. She loved him. And she was jealous of me.

I sat up there with him, singing and joking around flirtingly in front of everyone.

Then I saw it; She was looking at me the way I imagine I must have looked at her that first night I saw them all on each other. I still offered to drive him home that night. Later, he borrowed her guitar for another gig. But I was the one he took backstage before the show. He hugged her tight, playfully and flirted some more after the show. But I was the one he walked home.

Last week I saw her again. It was at a café. I was there with a group of my friends. She was our server. It wasn't until after I ordered that I realized she could spit on my burger and I would never know. I don't think she did. In fact, we were a little bit too nice to each other the whole night. She remembered me too.

It was then I realized, we both deserve better. She deserves someone who will give her a ride home after his gig because she is too drunk. Someone who will borrow her guitar, take her backstage before the show and walk her home after the gig. She deserves someone who will want her by his side when he needs a backup at his gig. Someone who will joke and flirt with her on a stage in front of everyone at a pub.

I deserve someone who wants me and only me glued to his body, someone who will borrow my guitar, take me backstage and hug me and flirt with me after the gig and then walk me home. I deserve someone who will want me by his side for all of his gigs, flirting with me and telling me he loves me, in front of anyone who happens to be there, for the world to see.

Also, after watching "One Day" I have come to a conclusion.

I am alone, not lonely

smiles

The in crowd

Via <3

I've been studying Social Work for two and a half years now, going to classes with the same group of 197 girls and 3 guys day after day. I know a couple of people in my classes, but since I don't smoke and am not the most outgoing person in the world I have never talked to about 90% of the people studying with me. Well... until last Saturday. We had a Saturday workshop at school, which I was not too happy about since it was a full Saturday at the end of the semester when everyone is getting nervous for finals and most people are getting ready to hand in their big assignments. So on my way to school at 8:30 on a Saturday morning I was cursing my school and my teachers and pretty much everything!

After about 30 minutes of the workshop life was much much better, and the day turned out to be a lot of fun!

I talked to a lot of new people and realized I am not the only one who feels like they know hardly anyone in the program.

At the end of the day as I was leaving to take the bus back home the smokers stopped me and asked if I wanted to come to a party... a party... with the smokers... and the cool people... AWESOME!!... but no thanks.

Maybe thats why I don't know anyone.

Guys? ...whats that?

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I have been living in my own little universe lately, as mentioned in my last blog post, and it wasn't until my dad asked me if there are any guys in my life these days (yes, I talk to my parents about guys) that I realized there really aren't. I mean, there are plenty of handsome men around, but I am not particularly interested in anyone specific, and it feels great!

I think he was secretly checking if I still have feeling for my friend the rockstar heartbreaker. I don't. Thank heavens! [insert a big fat smile] Anyways, so once I realized there were no guys I am really interested in at the moment I wondered if I should be feeling bad about it, or sad, or something. But I don't really feel bad about it at all. I feel free, and excited about the future! I have no idea whats going to happen though.

NO idea!

I just know I like moving forwards, and try to avoid taking two steps back every time I take one forward. I have done that before, and it doesn't work very well... neither does taking one step back every time I take two steps forward, which I also did for a while... now I just say FULL SPEED AHEAD! like the Titanic... which might be a bad thing since we all know what happened to the Titanic, but I am pretty sure I will be fine since we have had such a mild winter thus far that we still have bugs and green grass... in November... in Iceland.

FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

Finals, need I say more?

via Disney Dreams

Finals are coming up fast and I feel terribly unmotivated to blog. Nothing is happening. I wake up, don't bother to shower, eat whatever I find in the kitchen, sit down in front of my lap top with my books open and read while X-factor, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Once upon a time, Grimm, The Office, Hart of Dixie, Pan Am or one of the millions of other TV shows I get sucked into is playing in the background.... Thats this week. Next week will be hard core. No TV shows playing while I am studying. Maybe during breaks, but not so much though. I am sort of easing into it. It might be a good idea to go to the library in my town or something, to study, just so I get out of my house, get to walk a bit and see people. Right now I feel like I am turning into Gollum... just.... sitting in a cave all by my self, hunching over books. Not cool, not remotely exciting, and above all else, not sexy! and as we all know, if you are not going to be sexy, then why get out of bed at all... just kidding. I hate finals.

p.s. did you know I used to be called Snow White when I was little. Because I had really long dark hair, was pale and had red cheeks. Somehow I got the fairy tales and details mixed up in my head and kissed a worm in hopes of it turning into a prince. It didn't work any of the times I tried it.

Feeling it and saying it

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I finally said it. Something I haven't been really good at in the past. I always just keep it in... but lately I have come to realize that that doesn't help at all. I need to get it out. So I did, and I know the receiving end of the info I just released won't care at all, or might just think I am being dramatic and crazy. But I don't care. I said it, and I meant it and I feel better!

Worst case scenario the recipient will react badly, won't reciprocate, and we end up not being friends, because being able to say how I feel and be respected by my friends is a must to me. Best case scenario, which I have high hopes of seeing some day, we become better friends because we can actually say what we feel and still respect each other.

Feelings are important.

Words are important.

Handmade coming right up

So you know how I was sick for a whole week and had nothing to do but study and watch Grey's Anatomy... well I found something else to do. I dug around in my craft box and found some pearls and crochet needles, then I remembered the fine Icelandic wool I bought the other day with nothing specific in mind to make out of it. Put it all together and what do you get? ... if you guessed jewelry then you are right!
I am in the process of opening up my Etsy shop and the photo in this post is just a little preview of whats coming.
For people obsessed with iceland the majority of necklaces will be made from Icelandic wool, decorated with beads (Glass and other material) and some will even have beads made from Icelandic lava rocks. Each one is unique and I have given them all Icelandic female names, some of the names are also found in other countries though, but yeah, mostly icelandic names.
I'll keep you posted babes!

My Mom and Me

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I love talking to my mom. She thinks I am great, and I think she is the best mom in the world!

A long time ago I read this article about my generation. Apparently we are the generation that has lived at home the longest. At the time I read it I was renting a room somewhere downtown and I thought to myself "looooosers! man I am so glad I am not one of those over 23 losers still living with their parents."

Then one day I found myself back in University, not wanting to take out any more loans, without a job or a way to pay for my rent. My parents encouraged me to hold off taking student loans as long as I could. So I considered my options, prayed about it, and then moved back into my parents basement.

I am glad I did!

It may not be perfect all the time. I want my own space. But I have had some lovely times with my parents. I still take care of myself; Clean my own space, do my own laundry, wash my own hair. I have also not had to take student loans and have had the opportunity to hang out with my family a lot more than I would have otherwise.

Sometimes late at night my mom does laundry, and since the laundry room is right next to my dominion in the basement she stops by and we talk... and since I am a single, living at home, university student who is fast approaching 27 year old (wow) she sometimes cheers me up by telling me about all the guys she has seen check me out lately. It makes me laugh and warms my heart. My mom wants all the best things in the world for me and I am moving out in a few months... it makes all these little moments more precious. I am gong to miss living at home.

Also, I am sick of being sick. I want to get dressed and look cute!

Still ill/Still nuts

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This just in: I am kind of a nutter!

Maybe its just because I am still at home with the flu and when I get super bored from spending too many days doing nothing much I start catching myself having looney thoughts.

About five minutes ago I went to the kitchen because I was starving! I quickly realized there is nothing to eat in my kitchen! nothing besides... buttermilk.... and brown sugar... and musli... makes for a grand meal!

So while I was dumping massive amounts of brown sugar on my buttermilk I realized that through the front of my head was going this mashup of Grease, tell me more tell me more and CJ Lewis, Sweets for my sweet.... which I think they should put on Glee. It was brilliant!

and then through the back of my head simultaneously was this thought: "please don't leave me here to die!" ... it was directed at my parents who are now at school and will be at school until late this evening... and there is nothing to eat in the kitchen... and I am sick... I am so gonna die! ALAS!! there is pizza only one phone call and a credit card swipe away! I am in luck, it seems I will live to see another day. This is good news.

The truth is...

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I don't know when it will stop.

With all this time gone by I am starting to realize I am not in control.

Thankfully balance has been partially restored. So easily damaged.

And what do I do then.

How do I keep away. How do I leave this behind.

After months of laughter and happy contentment sleep still brings truth. The longing smothered by busy minutes of the waking hours comes out at night.

Haunting me.

You still haunt me.

I still want you.

I want you to leave.

Christmas wishes and unworn clothes

First off... I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!

Today is about my hundredth sick day this year... Just kidding... I mean, I am sick, but not for the hundredth time this year! but I do think I have been getting more sick in the last 6 months than usually, probably because at work I get drooled on, sneezed on, coughed on and snotted on all the time... I try to wash my hands a lot... but I guess its like when people who haven't been sick much in their life start working at a play school and all of a sudden they get every flu and cold there is... for a while, until their immune system catches up.

Good news, I got my first Christmas wish! I get to work on Christmas eve, which is a bigger Holliday than Christmas day in Iceland. That's when the family cooks and eats together and then we open presents after a wonderful dinner and dessert. I will post a blog soon about Icelandic Christmas customs. But anyways... I get to work from 3pm to 8pm on the 24th. I am SO excited!! I love all the people I work with/for and I can't wait to spend Christmas with them and then get the evening with my eternal family. Isn't it wonderful!! I am seriously getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

OOO I JUST REALIZED!! I get to give them all Christmas presents! woohoo!!

Ok, next on my list of things to blog about. Its only the 4th day of this lovely month of November and I have in these four days come to realize that I am a shopaholic. Not really, but I do have periods where I just buy everything... like if I were a cave woman realizing winter is coming I would try to get as many berries and furs as I could so that I would have food and warmth during winter. I have been going sweater crazy lately! and when I started thinking about it I realized I go through phases like this.

For summer it was dresses. In the past it has been skirts, cardigans, leggings, T-shirts, scarves, bags/purses, shoes and throughout it all socks. I have always had a thing for socks. I steal socks from family members! not on purpose, but I borrow them and then just don't return them. I am going to hell! I was going through my clothes to see if I can't give away some of these clothes to make room. This is when I realized I have so many favorites I have not worn more than once... and some of them I haven't even worn yet!

This one I got in September at H&M in NYC

I love it! but I have only worn it once

I got this one in little Italy in NYC its my favorite!

But I don't wear it often enough, maybe two or three times

This skirt had me running all over H&M looking for the right size.

I found it hanging out all alone without its brothers and sisters, but in the wrong size... and I fell in love!

I have yet to wear it

and I got it in September

socks socks socks

I have only worn the blue pair, twice

I love them, but they don't match anything...

screw matchiness! I am going to wear them!

This one actually still has the tag on it

I got it for half price at Motor in Iceland

I love it and I bet I am going to be wearing it quite a bit!

This one also has the tag on it still

got it at Motor in Iceland

I was just going to buy one. But I had more money than self control

so therefore I now have two sweaters, less money and no self control

This one is my favorite!

(I actually sang that in my head while typing it!)

I got it at Vero Moda in Iceland and love love love it!

This one I got in September in NYC

Its not the best photo, but its a white sheer lacy vest thing

absolutely gorgeous

one of those thins thats totally useless, but so beautiful

I wore it the day I bought it, but haven't worn it since.

sometimes I wish I could wear all my clothes at once!

Ohh and just so you know, I am not the only one!

Check it!

When kids misunderstand

I overheard my dad on the phone telling someone he can fix some electrical thing because thats the education he got. Turns out education has little to do with what you end up doing in life for some people... he owns two companies... and does electronic type stuff on the side... for fun and good use. Anyways, so it reminded me of when I was little and he was actually studying the electronic stuff. He was making a small plate with lines, like streets, and street lights that went from green to yellow to red and back to green. He told us kids that he was building us a "Bílabraut" (car road) with lights. For some reason I thought he was building a full size (children's full size... which is smaller than grown up full size) car track thinger in our front yard. I would ride my bike out there with my friends and tell them all about it.

At one point I remember I learned that you can exchange money for more money. If you hand the woman at the store you lousy bill, you get lots of coins in return. and sometimes you can even exchange one coin for two or more different looking coins. I thought this meant you could get more money for free.

When I was 4 or 5 years old I had to have my tonsils taken out. I knew they were in the throat somewhere and when the doctors and my mom told me this, it made perfect sense to me that they would have to take off my head, get out the tonsils and then put my head back on. I would have a cool scar like Frankenstein. I went around telling everyone about what the doctors were going to have to do.

There used to be a NATO base in Iceland. My family would go every once in a while and visit with friends, go to Wendy's (ohh my goodness I miss Wendy's) and the skating rink. Sometimes my parents would talk about us going to "little America" and I honestly thought we were going to a smaller version of America... like a little island close to Iceland that was part of America or something.

When my friends and I were like 7 ish they all thought you could get pregnant if you kissed a boy. In a way I guess that's right, because for the most part people today are not taught to have self control, and one thing leads to another and suddenly a kiss leads to pregnancy. But you know what I mean. ohh and while I am on the subject; Parents, talk to your kids about sex, teach them self control and to stay away from pornography. There has been so much research done that shows how pornography has a negative effect, not only on the ones who watch it, no matter if they are male or female, but also just on girls and women in general. I will blog more on this subject later.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that when kids misunderstand... they tend to misunderstand big! not like a small "I thought you said 7:30""ohh well I said 8" kind of misunderstanding... but a "You said 7:30 because the world is going to end!""no, the world is not ending, I just said 8" kind of misunderstanding.